Moments Lost
by Ryder3040
Summary: Reposted from a old account. Ashley lost the love of her life. She vowed to never let anyone else in. Will she keep her promise to Dani or will someone else snap her out of her depression? R&R
1. Chapter 1

**Moments Lost**

It's been three months since Dani died. And let me tell you that it's been the worst three months of my life. She was my world. Dani made me happy when she would come over and spend time with me. Never in my wildest dreams did I think that anything as awful as that Friday night would ever happen to us.

It feels like it was just yesterday.

 _"Ashley! Come on I'm leaving to go to Jason's house." Dani was getting into the car and she was plastered. I was not going to let her drive like that. Of course I wasn't all that sober either but I was still better than her. So I grabbed the keys from her and got in the drivers' seat._

 _"I knew you wouldn't leave me." Dani leaned over to my side and wrapped her arms around me while planting a big kiss on my lips. I swear I love that girl._

 _Dani and I got together last summer when I finally came out to my mom. Apparently mom could already tell because of how Dani and I acted with each other. Shit I didn't even know up until last year when Dani told me that she loved me. It of course threw me for a loop but I knew that I had feelings for her. Everything took me longer to realize what I was feeling. Dani waited for me. She said she would wait as long as it took for me. That's how strong our love was._

 _"Are you going to stay the night tonight?" Dani asked me as we were driving to Jason's house at 12 o'clock at night. I glanced her way and she had this cheesy grin on her face and I knew exactly what she was thinking of._

 _"That sounds good to me." I smiled back with my crinkled nose that always made her go crazy. She then leaped up and down clapping her hands like she was the happiest kid alive. I wasn't paying attention to the road like I should had, more like I was paying attention to the women that I love on the side of me. She had me in a trance as I looked right at her. Her dark brown hair that shined from the light from the moon. Her beautiful green eyes that always made me want to melt in her arms. Her perfect body that always screamed at me when we were together or anything else we would be doing._

 _Hahaha. Sorry my thoughts are getting away with me._

 _I should have been paying attention to the road. I shouldn't have been drinking like I did. Because of my stupid actions everything went into slow motion those last few minutes of my life and Dani's._

 _"ASHLEY!" Dani screamed at me and my head darted back to the road and right in front of me was a man in the middle of the street. I swerved off the road and that's when I rammed into a pole. An electric pole that didn't even budge but it sure sent Dani flying through the windshield. Well that's what everyone tells me that happened. I was unconscious for two days from slamming my head against my steering wheel. I didn't know anything that had happened to Dani. I didn't know that the accident had caused so much trauma to her head that she died that next morning in the hospital while I was lying in a bed with nothing really wrong with me but cuts and bruises._

 _I killed my girlfriend because I wasn't paying attention to the road like I was supposed to. I was driving when I was intoxicated and I killed the love of my life. I wish that I had died instead of her. To know that she wouldn't be in my life anymore put me in a big depression and I blocked myself from everyone._

 _Never will I love anyone like I loved Dani._

I've had so many people in my life try to comfort me but not once did I listen to a word that they had to say to me. Dani was the only voice I wanted to hear.

Of course that just made mom decide that she couldn't really handle me being the way that I am so she shipped me to my dad's In Los Angeles with my half-sister Kyla. So here she is packing up my life and shipping me clear across the country. Anything to get me out her hair. I didn't really care though. I figured that no place nor person would change the way that I felt.

xxxx

My flight had arrived into LAX at seven at night and all I wanted to do was curl up into a ball and cut out the world around me.

I walked down the terminal not really noticing anyone around me instead looking like a zombie. That's what my mom called me when we were driving to the airport. She was correct about though.

Forgive me for not being happy after killing my girlfriend. Forgive me for not being the person I once was because now I didn't have the other half of my heart.

As soon as I walked out of the terminal Kyla stood there with dad. They looked at me as if they didn't really know what to do next. I walked over to them and as soon as my bag hit the floor dad pulled me into his arms and hugged me so tight. I was not going to cry. I was not going to cry.

I cried. I cried like a baby.

After all of my emotions were released we grabbed my luggage and went home. Well I guess it's my home now. I don't really know what else to call it.

xxxx

"Ashley I signed you up for school. You start the day after tomorrow. Is that ok?" Dad told me as I sat in the back on the car looking out the window not really paying attention to what he was saying to me. Well more like I didn't want to hear a word that was coming out of his mouth.

"Do I have a choice?" I finally spoke out.

"I guess not." Dad responded to me.

The rest of the ride to the house was quiet and I was really glad for that. Kyla didn't really say anything to me. I guess she didn't know what to say to me. Which I'm happy about because silence was something I craved.

The house was huge. Dad being as rich as he was didn't shock me when I saw the size of the house. He always had to go all out when he wanted something. When we pulled up there was a car filled with kids my age sitting there looking like they were waiting for someone. They were obviously Kyla's friends.

We all started loading out of the car and Kyla went running up to the tall, dark hair guy as she ran into his arms while planting a disgustingly display of affection on his lips. I'm guessing that's her boyfriend. Hmm didn't know anything about him. I've heard about all the other ones but not this one. Then there stood a brunette chick with her arms crossed over her chest. Just her stance made me dislike her already. Lastly there was a blonde sitting on the back of the car looking my way. What was her problem?

I grabbed my things from the back of the jeep and started towards the house when Kyla called my name.

Don't stop Ashley. Just keep walking.

"Ashley!" Damn it!

"WHAT!" I yelled back at her with irritation in my voice. Why couldn't she just leave me alone?

"I want to introduce you to my boyfriend and my friends." So I stood there and acted like I gave a damn.

"This is Aiden. That's Madison and the one sitting on the car over there is Spencer." I glanced at all of them and didn't really make any gesture towards them at all. I turned back to the house and walked away without even a hello to anyone there.

I don't need this. I just want to be left alone.

(A/N: This story was already posted many moons ago from an old account. I thought I would bring it back on my new one. Enjoy!)


	2. Chapter 2

**Moments Lost**

I hate everyone right now. Don't ask me why because I'll probably end up hating you too.

Dad wasn't lying when he came out and said that he signed me up for school. I didn't want to go to this damn school instead I wanted to be home, in Boston and away from everyone.

xxxx

"Ashley let's get going. I have to be at school early for the first day." Kyla was running on my last nerve and if she didn't watch it I was going to explode right in her of her. Her attitude was the last thing I wanted to deal with this morning.

"Whatever Kyla." I grabbed my things and we were both out the door without saying a word to each other. That's completely fine with me because I don't need to be entertained by her. I'm fine on my own.

The school was packed with kids brand new Lexus, Mercedes, and Ranger Rovers all over the parking lot. I swear it was like an episode of The OC or something. This school is going to be the death of me. I can already feel it in my blood.

"Here's the schedule that the office gave dad for you and if you want you can hang out with Aiden and all of us in the quad for lunch." Kyla looked my way but I didn't even acknowledge her. Excuse me while I go and sound the alarm for the kindness that my half- sister is giving me. I can die a happy women knowing that I can hang out with her and her friends.

No thank you.

"I'll live." I grabbed the schedule and got out of the Yukon and made my way towards the school.

Damn this was going to suck big time.

I glanced back at Kyla and she already had her entourage at her side. I shook my head at the sight of her and her friends. I glanced down at my map of the school when someone comes crashing into me. All my stuff went flying to the ground and I nearly went back as well if I wasn't caught by an arm.

Damn couldn't people watch where the hell they're going?

"I'm so sorry Ashley. I didn't mean to bump into you." Her voice shot through my ears. How did she know me? That's when I remembered the first night I came into town. Kyla's friend, Spencer. The one that was sitting on the car and wouldn't stop looking my way.

I quickly grabbed my things without even saying so much as a peep to her. Just as I was getting up she stood there looking at me making sure she didn't hurt me.

"Next time watch where you're going." I said as I made my way around her and headed towards my class.

Right as the bell rang which I am thinking is the late bell I finally found the class. Just on time for me to sit in my seat and not listen to a damn thing my teacher is talking about. I didn't want to be here and I wasn't going to pretend like I wanted. There's absolutely no point in action. That was Kyla's department, not mine.

I took a seat and brought out my notebook and started to draw. Drawing has let me express myself instead of actually talking to anyone about things. I was doodling Dani's name on my page when I felt someone staring at me. I glanced up next to me and she was sitting there.

Spencer.

The girl who bumped into me and set my mood to bad for the rest of the day.

"What are you drawing?" Is she really serious right now? Did it look like I wanted to talk to her?

Of course she had to be in my class. Because nothing can make the day get any better.

I went back to drawing and didn't look her way for the rest of the period. Which actually went by fast.

xxxx

At lunch time I grabbed something to eat from the vendors and then made my way towards the front of the school so I could sit under a tree so I could get away from everyone. There was no need for me to sit with Kyla and her friends. I'm content with being by myself.

The rest of the day was pretty much the same and as soon as that final bell rang I walked out to the Yukon and stood there waiting for Kyla to move her ass so I could get home.

"Let's go!" Kyla's loud pitch voice throw me out of my thoughts of Dani. When I looked up Aiden, Madison, and Spencer were standing there in front of me.

"They're riding with us." Which of course meant one thing. I was sitting in the back with her annoying friends as Aiden sat up front with his girlfriend. They make me sick.

I kept myself towards the window and didn't bother to get into the lame ass conversation that they were having.

"You Know I'm really sorry about earlier. I didn't mean to almost knock you down." Spencer of course was in between Madison and I. With all the interaction I had with Spencer today I had rather sat next to Madison. At least I know that she won't bug me when I'm trying to ignore her.

"It's fine." I said at almost a whisper as I continued to look out the window.

As soon as we got home I went walking towards the house and went up to my room. I turned on my stereo to drown out the noise. The world was not my friend. I had no friends. My best friend is laying six feet under and I was to blame for it.

 **Two Days Later**

"Ashley I set up an appointment for you at my therapist's office." I was sitting at the kitchen table eating my breakfast like a good little girl and Dad comes off the wall with nothing but bullshit.

Did he really just say Therapist?

"Excuse me." I asked him with my head directed towards him as he was getting coffee.

"I think that you need to talk to someone. You don't talk to me, you don't talk to your sister and you never talked to your mom which is why she shipped you over here."

I stood up fast and my seat went flying back.

"NO! She shipped me over here because she didn't want me to remember anything that happened. She wanted me to forget that I killed my girlfriend. However, I'll never forget because if I do then I'll forget Dani and I will never let that happen!" Kyla walked into the kitchen and looked at the both of us. I quickly grabbed my things and left the room.

"I'll pick you up after school!" Dad yelled at me and I just walked out the front door not paying attention to a word he had to say.

How dare he tell me that I need to talk to someone about Dani. I don't need to talk to anyone about what's going on inside of me. These are my thoughts, my memories that I wanted to keep to myself. Yeah sure he can probably make me go but he can't make me talk.

Kyla and her band of goons found me at lunch time and I would have walked away from them all but I was too comfortable. No one was making me leave my tree. So instead I put my ear plugs in and listened to my music.

I looked at all of their face expressions as they talked to each other. When I looked over at Spencer she was looking directly at me. What was up with her? Why did she feel the need to talk to me when we are together?

xxxx

Right after school Dad was right on time waiting for me. I could not believe that he was making me do this.

Who the hell makes their kid talk to some stranger just so they could feel better about themselves? Oh wait I forgot I'm in LA now. The land of pathological liars and Narcissist's.

The thought of having to talk to this Therapist was giving me anxiety. I didn't want to over anything about Boston or my life with Dani.

xxxx

"I'll pick you up in an hour honey." Dad had walked me into the office just to make sure that I actually went to my session. Damn, I guess he didn't believe that I would come in here when he left. We haven't lived with each other that long but he already had me down and knew what I would do.

I sat there in the chair waiting to be called into the room when the door opens up to Spencer and the Therapist talking with one another. I don't know what it was but I was so tired of seeing this girl everywhere I go.

Apparently we were both screwed up.

"Ashley?" No the Pope.

"What are you doing here?" I looked up from my magazine and thought she had just asked a really stupid question.

"Are you seriously asking me why I'm sitting in a shrink's office right now? Come on I know you're smarter than that."

"Ashley I'm ready for you." Spencer didn't say anymore and I was glad for that. I was really getting tired of her always trying to ask me questions left and right. Couldn't she just leave me alone?

I took a seat in the chair and looked over at him. He was putting away a file on his desk and then turned towards me with his hand outreached to me.

"I'm Dr. Carlin. You can call me Arthur if you would like Ashley." Arthur took a seat in front of me and it was right at that moment that I wanted Dani right there beside me. I wanted her to tell me that everything was going to be ok and that I was going to be fine. Instead I had to have some guy tell me what is wrong with me.

"How are you doing today?" That's original. Couldn't come up with anything else?

"Peachy." I told him in a sarcastic voice.

"Good to hear. So your father tells me that you were in a bad car accident back home in Boston. Would you like to talk about it?" A flash of memories bombarded my brain and to hear Dr. Carlin talk about it made me mad.

"No." I kept it at my one word answers. He doesn't need to know what's going on in my life. I can handle this. I can handle anything.

"You lost your girlfriend in the car accident didn't you?" He went too far with that one.

"KEEP HER OUT OF THIS! You don't know anything about Dani so don't even bring her up." I was standing on my feet now pacing back and forth trying to calm down.

"Then why don't you tell me about Dani, Ashley. Why don't you describe what type of person she was?" I closed my eyes and felt so many emotions coming to the surface.

I sat back down on the chair taking deep breaths.

"She was everything to me. She was beautiful in so many ways. I would have gave her the stars and the moon if I had more time with her." Right then my brain shut down. My mouth stopped moving and tears started forming. I was not going to do this. I was not going to let anyone in.

I got up from my seat and made my way out of the door. To my surprise Spencer was sitting in the seat that I had just left.

Did she just hear everything that I just said?

I ran right pass her and tried to ignore her yelling my name. Of course it got really annoying once I got outside of the building. I didn't know where the hell I was or what direction home was.

"Ashley can I give you a ride home?" I heard her behind me and I quickly wiped my eyes dry. I hated when people saw me cry.

"I'm fine. I can walk." I started walking not caring where I was going and she started laughing.

"You don't have a clue where you are, do you?" I heard her speak up so I could hear her.

She was right. I didn't have a clue where I was.

"Why do you want to give me a ride for?" I asked her. Very curious as to why she wanted to befriend me.

"You're my best friend's sister. Of course I'm going to be nice to you. Besides I know what it's like to be in a new city without knowing anyone. Come on my cars this way." Spencer started walking in the opposite direction and I stood there contemplating if I should take her up on her offer.

"You coming?" She stopped and turned to look at me.

I might as well get a ride with someone I semi know then with some trucker name bubba. Wouldn't that be funny? I'm sure I would be able to talk to Dr. Carlin about it.

xxxx

"You made it safe and sound." As Spencer cracked a big smile my way. This girl is to damn cheery for me.

"Um yeah. Thanks." I quickly got out of the car. Of course she couldn't just say 'goodbye'. Nope she had to keep the conversation going.

"Hey do you think you would want to hang out at the party your sister is throwing this weekend?" Excuse me. Kyla is throwing a party? That's the first I've heard about it.

"Sorry but parties aren't my thing anymore, but thanks for the ride." Spencer's face dropped. I swear you would think I killed her damn dog or something.

I ignored it and walked into my house.

Why did she want to be around me for? I wasn't nice and I sure as hell didn't want to pretend like I was.

(A/N: Man the last time I wrote this I made so many mistakes. Going back over everything gives me a chance to make those adjustments. Thanks for reading.)


	3. Chapter 3

**Moments Lost**

Today is not a good day.

I woke up screaming Dani's name in the middle of the night. I was trembling and I couldn't get myself to want to go anywhere that morning.

I ignored the pounding on my door when it was time to go to school. Kyla kept on yelling for me to move my ass but I didn't say one word. I was curled up in my bed crying my heart out. It hurt so bad to have to relive that night in my dreams. Why couldn't I forget those memories? Why can't it just go away so I don't have to live with the pain that I felt when she was ripped out of my life?

I didn't mean for any of this to happen.

I wanted to marry her.

I wanted to be forever lost in her love and never turn back. She was everything to me.

Let me forget. Please let me forget.

I rocked myself back and forth with my knees pushed up to my chest going over all of the good times I had with Dani instead of what woke me up this morning.

xxxx

Sleep finally took over my body and I laid there not even caring about what was going on outside my room.

I heard talking. A lot of talking and then I had remembered that it was Friday. Kyla was having her damn party tonight. I turned to glance at my clock and it was 7:30. I slept the whole day away not caring about the outside world.

 _Knock. Knock._

"Ashley its Spencer."

Leave me the hell alone!

"I didn't see you at school today. I just wanted to see if you were doing ok. If you need anyone to talk to."

She's not my shrink so she needs to stop acting like it.

I didn't say a word. However, I did get out of bed and walked over to my closet. I continued to add more of the pictures that I had in a pile on my dresser to the closet door.

A picture of Dani and me at a Baseball game. She loved the Boston Red socks. Why she did was beyond me but she loved the team nonetheless. Baseball wasn't really my thing but I loved Dani so I made it my thing.

A picture of Tara, Josh, Dani, and I at school during lunch time.

Then there was a picture of Dani and I having a drinking competition. That was the night Dani died.

The tears came and I balled up the picture and threw it at the opposite side of the room. I just let everything out. I threw all the pictures to the ground. I kicked the closet door over and over again. My hands clinched into fists and I slammed it against the wall with tears running down my face feeling every emotion inside of me. I didn't want to stop. I wanted to hurt myself.

It's my fault. It's all my fault.

My body went down to the ground with so much anger running through my body.

xxxx

An hour went by and I had calmed myself down. I got off the ground and got dressed. I really didn't care how I looked so I threw on whatever was there. I opened up my bedroom door to a hallway full of idiots. The aroma of alcohol filled the air.

There better be alcohol left for me!

I was walking down the stairs and the stereo system was booming through the speakers and everyone was talking with each other. I ignored them all and went straight for the kitchen where I find Kyla and Aiden making out on the counter top.

Remind me not to eat there again. Kyla stopped as soon as she saw me walk in but I didn't say a word to her. Instead I went straight for the vodka bottles and downed anything that I could get my hands on. I needed to forget and if liquor could help me in that department then yay for me.

"Ashley slow down." Spencer came out of nowhere and was right next to me. I swear I will hit her if she doesn't leave me alone. I ignored her comment and kept on drinking like I was dying of thirst.

Can you see how much I care?

"Ashley!" Kyla finally chimed in. I guess she was making time for me in between her make-out sessions with Aiden.

"What the hell do you want Kyla?" Kyla was standing next to Spencer now as they both ganged up on me.

"What happened with you today? Why didn't you go to school for?" Spencer yelled over the loud music.

"None of your business. Now just leave me alone." I pushed right through the both of them. Kyla grabbed onto my arm and I looked directly at her as I pulled away from her.

"Stop doing this Ashley. Stop hurting yourself." Those words hit me like a ton of bricks. That's exactly what I wanted to do. To feel the pain that I caused Dani. I turned on my heels and walked out of the kitchen. I needed to get away from everyone.

I'll give you five dollars if you can guess who followed me right outside in the front yard.

If you said Spencer then that would be correct.

I continued to drink the bottle I had in my hand. I love when liquor first burns your throat and then after so many shots you don't feel it at all.

That's the best feeling of all time.

"I'm worried about you Ashley." We were both standing on the grass at this point and I turned around to face her when she started talking to me.

"Stop acting like you know me!" I yelled at her. I was getting tired of her always on my back. Always trying to act like she could help me in some way. No one could help me.

No one!

"I never asked you to help me and I sure as hell don't need it. SO LEAVE ME ALONE!"

I made her cry.

Damn I felt like a bitch. Oh well. I told her I didn't need her help. It's not my fault she didn't listen to me.

Spencer didn't say one word to me instead she walked into the house and left me outside alone. Just like I wanted to be. I continued to drink the bottle I had.

People came and people left during the whole night. I of course was shit ass drunk sitting on the lawn bench that dad decided looked good next to the trees in front.

I stood up from the chair and I swear I felt the whole world spinning at a fast rate. I wobbled my ass to the front door and there was still a few people in the house. I'm guessing these are the shit ass drunk people laying on the couch tonight. Kyla was going to have a lot to do tomorrow. I held onto the panel of the wall as I made my way to the kitchen looking for something else to drink. If I can still stand then I wasn't drunk enough.

Aiden, Kyla, Madison, and Spencer were all sitting at the kitchen table talking when I walked in. I ignored them and went for the bottles.

"Ashley you don't need anymore." I hear Kyla speak up like I gave a damn or something.

"I'll ask you when I need your opinion Kyla." I went to grab a bottle. Empty.

Damn it!

Another bottle. Empty.

Freaking ass alcoholics around this place. Can't even leave me anything to drink.

Last bottle.

Shit!

"What the hell?! Everybody drank this house dry!" I yelled out as I turned around to fast and my ass went to the ground as my head hit the back of the cabinets.

Fuck that hurt!

Of course being me I started laughing like an idiot.

I had everyone by my side seeing if I was ok.

"Damn it, Ashley! You need to stop this." Those were the last words I heard from her before I closed my eyes.

Why did Ashley care so much?

xxxx

Son of a Bitch my head hurts.

When I woke up that next morning I found myself in my bed.

When the hell did I get in here? I don't remember coming upstairs last night.

I lifted myself up from the bed slowly and rested my face in my hands. I had so much to drink last night. I looked around the room to see Spencer and Kyla sleeping on my floor.

I'm guessing they were the ones who got me into my bed.

I got out of bed and then made my way towards the bathroom when Spencer started waking up. We both looked at each other and didn't say a word. I remembered saying what I did to Spencer last night. She apparently remembered better than me with her being so quiet towards me. I guess I should be happy that she's not saying anything to me right.

Wrong.

For some odd reason even though she annoys the hell out of me I've gotten used to hearing her ramble on about shit she has no idea what she's talking about. Now I can see why my father is making me go to the therapist for.

I went to the bathroom and stood there in front of the mirror looking at myself. Damn I looked awful and felt even worse. I jumped into the shower and I stood there leaning against the wall thinking about everything that has happened. I shouldn't have drank last night. All I wanted to do was forget about everything. Even if it was just for a moment I didn't care because at least I wouldn't had felt the pain at that moment.

I wrapped my arms around my body and cried my eyes out. Just thinking of her made me wish that I was not alive. Made me wish that I had died too so I could be with her right now.

I miss her so much. Her touch. Her kiss. Her love.

I stayed in the shower for a while longer and when I came out of the shower I was hoping they were gone. Kyla was gone but Spencer sat at the edge of my bed.

She saw me walk in and stood to her feet fast.

"Oh sorry. I'll leave now." Spencer looked at me with a flushed face. As if she was blushing because she saw me in a towel. Hmm, that's interesting. I could have swore Kyla told me that Spencer was straight.

Whatever.

Spencer walked out of the room and I started to get dress.

xxxx

It's Saturday and I'm lying on my bed staring at the wall. I was actually going crazy being stuck in my room. I put my shoes on and walked downstairs. I was just about to walk out the front door when I hear Kyla call out my name in the living room.

"Ashley." I turned around. She walked over to me and I stood there holding onto the front door.

"I thought maybe you would want to hang out with Madison, Spencer and I. We're about to head to the mall. I'm sure you're going crazy being stuck in the house." I stood there thinking about her offer. I did want to get out and see what was out in LA. It's not like I have to talk with them.

"I guess." Those were my words. Nothing more. Nothing less.

Kyla and I got into the Yukon and drove over to Madison's house first. After we picked her up we drove over to Spencer's place. Right when we pulled up Spencer was walking out her front door when she spotted me in the front seat. I guess she was shocked to see me coming. I have that effect on lots of people.

xxxx

We walked all over the mall. I basically stood to the side listening to all the bullshit that has been going on with their friends. I'm so glad I don't have a clue what the hell they are talking about. Spencer fell into step with me as I continued to window shop.

Kyla and Madison went into a store and I sat down on one of the benches. Spencer decided to sit with me.

"You know I'm sorry if I've been getting into your business. I just thought that I was helping you." I looked at her and she was already looking at me. I shrugged my shoulders and then went back to looking at everyone walking by us. Spencer is a good person and she's proven herself well. I just don't need her help.

There was so much going on around me that I could feel myself at a standstill. Everything seemed like it was in slow motion

Maybe I did need to talk to someone.

Maybe.

(A/N: Thanks Gina32 for reviewing! Appreciate. Hope this chapter was a good one.)


	4. Chapter 4

**Moments Lost**

"I'm so glad that you could make it in today Ashley."

It's been a week since I had my breakdown. I kept on putting off going to see Mr. Carlin because dad has been away on a business trip. Everything is still so raw with me that I don't even know if I should let anyone in.

Spencer's been over the house after school most of the week but I don't really say anything to her. She will literally just sit there and watch movies with me. I don't know what it is but I enjoy not having to talk while next to someone. Spencer has respected my space which I truly appreciate.

One afternoon I was coming downstairs from my room and I was about to head into the kitchen to get something to eat when I heard Spencer and Kyla talking about me.

 _"What's going on with her Ky? She doesn't talk to anyone and when someone says something to her she gets all defensive." I hated knowing that they were talking about me behind my back._

 _"I don't know. Ever since her girlfriend died she doesn't let anyone in. She blames herself for everything." I was starting to get pissed off._

 _"Why would she blame herself for?" It was quiet for a second and then Kyla spoke._

 _"She was the one driving the car that night she died. Ashley was drunk and so was Dani. Dani didn't have her seat belt on and Ashley wasn't paying attention to the road when a man crossed the street. Dani swerved off the road only to go head on with an electric pole. Dani died at the hospital and Ashley lived."_

 _Tears were streaming down my face at that moment. I rested against the wall and I didn't know whether or not to walk into the kitchen until I heard Spencer's next comment._

 _"Why the hell was she driving when she was drunk? You would think she would be more responsible with her girlfriend in the car."_

 _Once again she was saying shit that she had no clue. Even if Kyla was telling her the story doesn't mean she had the whole story._

 _"Spencer you don't know shit! I would give anything for her to be alive right now instead of me. I would turn back time and not let either of us get into the car if I could but I can't. I thought maybe we could be friends Spencer but after all of this I doubt we could ever be friends." I walked back out of the kitchen only to hear them both calling out my name._

 _"Ashley! Spencer didn't mean anything about Dani. She was worried about you."_

 _"There's no point of her caring because we aren't friends. Not now, not ever." I looked directly in Spencer's eyes and I knew exactly how she felt. I just didn't care anymore._

I'm now sitting in front of Mr. Carlin's office willing to at least give this talking thing a chance. Maybe if I try to talk about things then I would be able to get past it all. I still didn't understand much but I was at least willing to try. That's the least I can do.

"How have you been since the last time you were in my office?" Yeah the same day I found out that Spencer was seeing the same Therapist. Hmm, I wonder if Kyla knows about that.

"It's been really long. I didn't think that the weekend would ever get here." I was mentally exhausted.

"Have you given any thought about talking about Dani yet?" I looked down at my hands and kept on playing with the ring I had on. It was the ring that Dani never took off. She loved that ring and would never let me wear it but Dani's mom gave it to me when I was in the hospital after the accident. I knew it meant a lot for her to give me her daughters ring. Dani loved me just as much as she loved that ring. Now when I wear the ring it makes me feel like she is still with me in some way.

"She's been in my dreams every night since I got to LA. I'm starting to think that she doesn't like the whole idea that I moved so far away from her." It was quiet between us as Dr. Carlin wrote in his notes. That doesn't make me sound crazy about talking about my dead girlfriend, does it?

"Do you regret moving to the west coast away from Dani?"

"I never wanted to leave her. I wouldn't have left her if it wasn't for my mom. I still feel her with me when I'm sitting in my room, or when I'm drawing. She will always be with me." I was silent for a second and then I went on.

"Do you think that's weird?" I looked up at him and he was looking right at me. As if he was trying to figure out how to answer my question. I would have been the same way if someone asked me that.

"You're still grieving over your girlfriend Ashley. These are all natural feelings to have. The fact that you were involved in the accident makes you closer than anyone else. Don't beat yourself up about how you feel. It's a process that you have to go through to grieve over the loss of Dani. Coming in here today has shown that you are willing to try to work through with the process. That is the best progress."

Hearing that from him had encouraged me a whole lot more about myself.

I stayed for the entire hour that morning and then had Kyla pick me up after I was finished. I was scared of getting behind the wheel. Which makes me happy that my license was taken away from me for three years and part of me knows that was just a slap on the wrist after killing Dani.

xxxx

"How did everything go?" Kyla asked me when we were driving to get something to eat at In-N-Out. I swear I love those burgers. It's like the only thing I've been eating since I got here. I blame it on Ky because she made me go with her almost every day after school.

"It was ok." I didn't elaborate on what we talked about because I wasn't ready to talk to anyone around me yet. How sad is it that I can't even talk to my own sister about my dead girlfriend. You would think I would be able to talk to the people who are closes to me but I can't get myself to doing that.

One of the weird things though is that with the time Spencer and I were hanging out during the week I was starting to feel comfortable around her. Part of me wishes I didn't hear the conversation in the kitchen this morning.

I guess that's what I get for thinking that she might be someone I can trust with things in my life. Instead I am here questioning everything that she has said to me since I have been here.

Kyla and I were eating lunch when I started thinking of Spencer and why she was at Dr. Carlin's office that one day. Ky is her best friend. She has to know what's going on with her, right.

"So how long have you and Spencer known each other?" Had to start off small. Don't want to give her the wrong impression on things.

"Yeah. Both of us had moved to LA the same time. She moved from Ohio and I moved from Baltimore where mom lives. We both had the same classes so we got to know each other. It wasn't until the following year Aiden and I started talking. Of course with him came Madison." The mention of Madison made me laugh. She was a handful which made me wonder why her and Ky were even friends. I wonder what Madison's connection with Aiden is.

Damn I have too many questions in my head right now.

"Oh I see. Why does care so much about my life?" Might as well ask her point blank what was up with her friend. I sat there eating my delicious burger while waiting her response. .

Kyla glanced up at me and then next to the couple who were sitting next to us arguing. I had noticed it too but I wasn't being so obvious like she was.

"She doesn't mean wrong Ashley. She's a really good person and what you heard this morning was her being curious about things. I know she doesn't really have a place to ask things about Dani but I swear to you that she meant no harm. Spencer wound never put you or Dani down. Spencer has a big heart and I love that about her."

"If you were on my side hearing this about your life you would have blown up too!" Hearing that from Ky had kind of got to me because I had heard everything that they were talking about. She didn't know Dani or me so there was no reason for her to talk about us like that. If she cares so damn much then she needed to stay out of my business.

I stood up and threw my stuff away. I wasn't hungry anymore. Shortly after Kyla followed right behind me to the Yukon. I wanted to get home.

As soon as we got back to the house Spencer's car was parked in the drive way apparently waiting for us to get home. Kyla could have gave me the heads up so I didn't have to see her after our conversation at lunch.

I got out of the car and I started to walk inside. I ignored the both of them as I walked up to my room closing the door behind me. I turned my stereo on and continued to finish the picture I was drawing this morning. Anything to get my mind off the blonde downstairs.

It was 15 minutes later when I hear a knock on my door. I ignored it and went back to drawing. You have got to be kidding me. Just freaking leave me alone already. I got off the bed and went over to the door. When I opened the door Spencer stood there with the saddest eyes I've seen in a long time. It almost made me feel bad about her.

Almost.

"Your friend is downstairs. Go bug her." I told her as I stood there with my hand on the door and the other on my hip.

"I'm sorry about this morning. I shouldn't have asked Kyla about your life Ashley. You're right it was none of my business."

She was doing a Dani move. She had her head down and was playing with the ring that she had on her hand. What was with me? I got this really sharp pain in my chest and I started to get chocked up.

"Ash are you ok? Ash?" When did she start calling me Ash? Only Ky and Dani called me Ash. My emotions were getting the best of me and I felt the water works about to happen.

To late they were here.

I broke down right in front of Spencer. My body went down to the floor and I leaned myself against the wall holding onto my knees against my chest. Spencer bent down to me asking me what was wrong but I couldn't hear a word that she was saying.

So much of Dani was bombarded into my head and it made me worse than I was before. All noises were deleted from my ears and all I saw was Spencer's face in front of me. The next thing I feel is arms around me. They weren't Kyla's or Dani's arms.

They were Spencer's.

(A/N: Hey everyone…thank you all for the reviews! I appreciate every one of them. Sorry for the late post but I had a very long day. It's currently 11:29 PM and I'm about to post. Goodnight!)


	5. Chapter 5

**Moments Lost**

It seemed like it was hours as I finally calmed myself down enough to be able to sit there on my own. Spencer didn't let that happen though. She had let me go but not once did she leave my side. There was something I didn't understand about Spencer. Yeah she was a sweet girl but she didn't have to go through all of this just for me.

In between my breakdown Kyla stayed up in my room with us. I wanted to know why Spencer was doing all of this for me. For someone she doesn't even know.

"Spencer."

"Hmm." I heard her respond to me as we both sat there on the floor.

"Why are you here?" I looked at her and she looked down to the floor as if trying to come up with something to tell me.

"I'm trying to be your friend." She finally spoke out.

"I really appreciate everything that you and Kyla have done for me but I feel like there's more to the story. Is there?" I wasn't really sure where I was going with this but something told me that Spencer wasn't being completely honest with me.

"It's nothing Ashley. I just want to be your friend. That's all!" I could hear the irritation in her voice. I stood to my feet and she did the same thing.

"Whatever you say Spencer." I was looking out my window and then turned back around to say something to her but she was already out the door.

xxxx

That evening Kyla and I sat down on the couch in the living room watching movies when her cell phone went off. I swear if it's Aiden I'm going to be pissed. He already knows we are having a movie night tonight. Which meant no boys.

"Hey Spence." I sat there trying to ignore the fact that Spencer was on the other line but I couldn't at all.

"I'm just sitting here with Ashley. We're watching some movies. Do you want to come over?" I waited to hear her response but it took Kyla forever to respond back to her.

"Oh ok, no prob. I'll just see you tomorrow." I'm guessing she said no. Which was a big shocker because she is always over here no matter what. I wonder what she has going on tonight.

"Was that Spencer?" I asked casual.

"Yeah she's heading over Nicks house so that's why she said she couldn't come over."

Nick?

This is the first that I've heard about some guy name Nick.

"Oh her boyfriend?" I asked as I continued to watch the movie. Trying to pretend it didn't bother me that she was going to see some guy.

"Something like that. They've been on and off for a few months now. Nothing serious just a fling you know."

Don't lie Kyla it's called a booty call. She was going over to Nick's house to get some. Talk about making me sick when I heard that.

Why did I care?

I went back to watching the movie and tried to get the whole thought out of my head that Spencer was going over to some guy's house to have sex. Chill out Ashley. Spencer is a friend and nothing more.

I don't like her.

I love Dani.

No one else.

xxxx

That following Monday I went to school like nothing was bothering me but deep down inside I was fighting with a lot of feelings. Instead of keeping it inside I decided that I should talk to Dr. Carlin about everything. So after school I made Kyla drop me off at his office. Lucky for me she didn't ask any questions. I definitely didn't need that from her.

xxxx

"Hey Ashley come on in." Dr. Carlin opened up the door to me.

I know I didn't have an appointment but I figured it would be ok to see if he had any time in between clients.

"I'm sorry that I didn't make an appointment but I kind of need someone to talk to." I wanted to be honest with him.

"That's quite alright Ashley. Whenever you need to talk then you can head over to my office anytime you need to." Hearing that from him had made me more at ease about talking about everything with him.

"So what's on your mind today?" He sat at his desk with his notepad. I swear I want to know what he writes in there.

I sat back in the chair as it all started to flow out of my mouth.

"There's this girl. She's my sister's best friend. Since I've been here she has been doing her best at helping me with everything. At one point I thought I would be able to open up to her because she seemed like someone I could trust. Until I heard them both talking about the accident. I would understand if we were friends and she was curious but the way she was talking with my sister got under my skin. My feelings are going up and down." He sat there looking at me as if he had a feeling what was running through my mind.

"Do you think you may have feelings for your sister's best friend?" Other than my own thoughts I was hoping no one else would assume that.

I can't like Spencer.

I love Dani.

There's no one else for me.

I closed my eyes and tried to think of Dani as Spencer's face would pop up into my memory. I was starting to get mad now. I couldn't fall for someone else. Dani was and is everything to me. I can never lose that feeling of only having her love inside of my heart.

I won't let it happen.

xxxx

I decided to walk home after the meeting. I didn't want to bother Kyla with coming back to pick me up. I felt like I always bothered people when I needed a ride somewhere.

The whole way home I either had Dani in my heart or Spencer on my mind and it was really pissing me off. Why am I even bothering with Spencer? She's this straight girl who has no intentions of even liking me.

I was so confused.

When I finally got back to the house everyone was over. When I say everyone I mean all of Kyla's friends. I walked through the front door and Kyla came running up to me with the biggest smile on her face.

What was her deal?

"Hey we are celebrating tonight!" This girl was beaming.

"Why?" I asked looking in the living room where everyone was sitting. Aiden, Madison, Spencer, and some guy that I hadn't met before.

Wait. Who's the guy sitting by Spencer?

I had a funny feeling that this was Nick. Spencer's Nick. The one who she has boot calls with. I never would have pegged Spencer for being that type of girl.

Of course Spencer gave me no eye contact.

"Aiden got MVP. We all want to go out and celebrate." Kyla was beyond proud of her boyfriend that is for sure. I however didn't care one bit.

"Oh that's cool. I'm not really up for celebrating though." I started to walk upstairs when she pulled onto my arm not letting me go to my room.

"I'm not taking no for an answer. We all want you there. Right you guy." Kyla looked at everyone and they all shook their head and I looked over at Spencer. She made no gesture. Why did it bother me that she didn't want me to come along with them?

I agreed to go out with them only because of Kyla. If anything she would make sure that I had a good time.

Right?

xxxx

Nope. I'm stuck over here in Greys watching everyone dance with one another. I lost track of Kyla a few minutes ago and Spencer is all over her man Nick. The sight of them just made me boil inside and I couldn't believe that I was jealous.

I've never been that type of person. Dani and I were always together and not once did she give me a reason to be jealous of other girls. She loved me just as much as I loved her.

Now here I am jealous of someone that I know has no feelings for me like that. Someone who is hot and cold with me. I've been the same person with her since I got here.

So I sat there talking with the bartender. Feeling like a loser if you ask me.

"Why are you here at the bar by yourself?" The lady asked me.

"I don't know. Just don't feel like going out there and dancing. I just came here to celebrate with my sister and her boyfriend. Of course I'm sitting here instead of celebration like everyone else."

"Would you like a drink?" I looked at her as if she was lying to me. Did I looked older than my age? I felt like I was being punked and someone was going to come out with cameras telling me they caught me being an underage drinker. I decided to go for it anyways and take her up on her offer.

"Vodka Red Bull please."

The lady smiled and got my drink. Hmm maybe this night will turn out good after all.

xxxx

One hour and three Vodka Red Bulls later I was feeling really good.

I looked out at the crowd and thought that I should have some fun like the rest of them. I search the room for Kyla. As soon as I found her I decided that I would dance with the group. No need to be sitting at the bar drunk when you can be on the dance floor dancing with everyone.

Here I was not paying attention to anything or anyone around me. If they wanted to dance then I would dance with them. Shit even Madison danced with me. We've never been close so it was a shock when she came up to me on the floor. I was having a really good time when I look over at Spencer walking towards us and Nick was nowhere in sight.

Just watching her walk towards me made my mind go crazy. She wore dark blue jeans with a cute blouse that that sparkled with her eyes. I wrapped my arms around her neck and made sure she didn't go anywhere.

"Dance with me!" I yell out over the music and she looks at me as if she wants to protest and say no but she doesn't. Instead we dance and might I add we really dance. None of this friends shit. No, we dance like we want to get closer to each other. Spencer's body grinded with mine and every senses I have in my body were going crazy. My hands were having a mind of their own with Spencer's body. Spencer turned around and I looked her right in the eyes. I saw a small smile spread on her lips and it hit me. I became sober real quick.

What the hell was I doing?

This isn't me. She isn't Dani.

I let go of her and she could tell that something was happening with me. She tried to hold on to my hand so I wouldn't pull away from her but I couldn't be there with Spencer.

I needed Dani more than ever.

(A/N: Kind of short tonight. Sorry about that. All the reviews are awesome and I appreciate all the positivity of the story. Like K1989 said…SON Fan ficts are slowly dying and I hate to think that. As long as I have people who still read I will gladly keep writing. Thanks again for reading.)


	6. Chapter 6

(A/N: Usually I put this at the end of the chpt but tonight I am going to write it here. Forgive me if you come along grammar errors. I'm currently having a FEW drinks hahaha. Thank you to everyone for your reviews… Gina32 I'm glad that you've been sticking with the story! Everyone enjoy! ;)

 **Moments Lost**

I feel like I'm cheating on her. I feel like I'm doing something so horribly wrong that I can't get my head around it. I want so much to feel good about how I'm feeling towards Spencer but I don't. She isn't the one who made me happy every morning waking me up for school. Or the one who I shared my first time with. That experience was so beautiful that it just makes me want to cry when I think about how Dani touched me so gentle and with care. She showed me how it was to love someone and I'm forever going to be grateful for that.

I guess when it comes down to it though Dani is no longer with me. Dani doesn't get to wake me up in the morning anymore. Dani can't hold me when I'm crying or hurting in some way. Instead Dani is dead and it was my fault. My fault that everything happened the way that it did. My fault that she doesn't get to live her life like she wanted to. I'm the one who stopped her from going to college or having the family that she always wanted. I took it all away from her.

I wish I was dead.

xxxx

I ran out of that club trying to get away from everything that was making me feel worse about myself when I hear my name being called behind me. I had Kylas key's in my purse and I wanted to get away from that voice. I needed to get away from that voice.

"Ashley stop!" I went digging through my purse looking for the key's trying to focus on it when Spencer grabbed the purse from me.

"You're not driving!" She yelled at me as she kept the purse away from me.

"Give me the key's Spencer!" I couldn't handle how I was feeling. I couldn't handle anything at all.

"No. I'm not going to let you make that mistake again." Hearing her say that to my face sent anger through my veins and I slapped her. I couldn't believe it but I slapped her.

Tears were streaming down my face and I stopped myself from doing anything else. Spencer's face was red from my slap but not once did she even attempt to hit me back.

"You can hit me all you want Ashley, but I'm not going to let you kill yourself. I would hate myself you died."

"I WANT TO DIE!" I screamed at her with so much hate for myself. All of this sucked and I wanted to be with Dani. I longed to be with Dani.

"Stop! Just stop it!" Spencer was in tears and I was beyond that. She grabbed me and wrapped her arms around me and all I could do was hold on to her for dear life. Feel the warmth that was radiating through her body.

"I don't want you to die Ashley. Please stop this. Please." I cried in her neck and not once did I loosen the grip around her body.

"Why did this happen to me? Why?" I whispered it to Spencer as she held me tight not letting anything get in the way between us.

"I wish I had answers for you but I don't Ash. I'm just sorry that you had to go through this. Don't let this ruin your life. You're to important to your family. You're to important to me." Hearing her say that to me sent shivers down my body and it made me hold her just a little bit tighter.

Our bodies were pressed to each other as we leaned against the car when Kyla and Aiden came out of the club. When Spencer hears Kylas voice she quickly lets go of me but doesn't move from her position in front of me.

"Ashley you ok?" She asked me as she came towards me but all I could think about was how cold I was now that Spencer wasn't holding me in her arm's. I wanted to feel her touch again. I wanted to feel her heart beat next to mine.

I looked down to the ground and I then looked over at Ky.

"I'll be ok. I just have a lot on my mind right now." I directed my eye contact back over to Spencer and she was staring at me as if she wanted to be back in my arms as well. I kind of wish Kyla didn't come out here with Aiden. I wanted to spend more time with Spencer.

"Can we go home now?" I asked Kyla hoping that Spencer would come home with us.

"Yeah that's fine." Kyla turned to Aiden and kissed him goodbye. I glanced over at Spencer and her head went down to the ground. What was on that beautiful blondes mind?

"Spencer are you coming back to the house with us?" I asked her before Kyla could say anything. I wanted her with me. Spencer's head shot up at me and a smile spread across her face. She was so cute. I didn't know what I was doing with Spencer but I still felt that I should at least try to see what could happen.

Anything is possible, right?

xxxx

The whole way back to the house I kept on thinking about how close Spencer and I were on the dance floor or when I broke down in front of the club. Please tell me who would go through all of that just for someone you had barely got to know recently through your friend. Everything points to that maybe she has a thing for me but then there's that feeling that I'm getting myself into something that I shouldn't. I really don't know much about her.

"Ky I'm just going to head up to my room to lay down." I looked at Spencer and she looked at me as if waiting for permission to come upstairs with her. I smiled at her and her pearly whites beamed back at me. She was really cute. I walked back up to my room and kept the door unlocked. If I knew Spencer for being the person that she is then she would be up here soon.

Is this weird? How can I like someone who may or may not be gay?

This whole situation bewilders me.

I sat on the floor at the foot of my bed thinking of everything that's just flying through my brain right now and I really want it to make since already. I know that Spencer wouldn't hurt me. Well I think she wouldn't hurt me but I guess I can't be too sure of that.

The door opened up slowly with Spencer's head peeking through the door. She was so cute.

"Can I come in?" She asked with a smile on her face.

"Yeah." Spencer came in and then shut the door behind her. She stood there not really knowing where to sit down.

"Spencer you can sit down if you want." Spencer shook her head and then took a seat across from me so we would be looking at each other while we talked.

Spencer sat there with her hands in her lap playing with the ring on her finger.

"Dani use to do that." Spencer's head shot up and looked directly at me with her eyes wide open. As if she was shocked to hear me say something about Dani.

"She did what Ash?" Spencer seemed very interested in the girl that I loved.

"She use to play with the ring on her finger. This one." I raised my hand and showed Spencer the ring that her mother gave me.

The ring had belonged to her grandma who had passed away a few years back before we had got together. She was the closes grandchild of her family to her grandma. When she was little she basically lived with her grandparents. I don't know the whole reason behind it but she would tell me stories when she grew up there. I loved that she was so close with her grandma. Everything about that girl I loved.

"It's really pretty." She focused on the ring on my finger.

"Thanks." I looked back down at the ring and at that moment I felt her near me. I missed her so much.

"Dani was a really good person. She knew what to say to make me happy or in a better mood. Dani was my first love and I really wish that you knew her because you would have liked her." It felt so good to talk about her but it also made me feel bad that I was saying all of this to the girl that I was starting to have feelings for.

"I'm pretty sure I would have if she was anything like you." My head shot up to look at her and the blue eyes were looking right through me.

What was this?

What was going on with us?

"What's going on Spencer? I don't understand what's going on here. I get this feeling that you have feelings for me but then I get this other side of you that says that you want nothing to do with me. I honestly don't know what to think." It was time that we be honest with each other.

Spencer had her head down and I knew she was scared to speak her mind with me. I don't know why because I would give anything to hear those thoughts in side that beautiful mind of hers.

"Spencer I don't expect you to feel a certain way about me. All I ask for is that you be honest with me and don't hurt me."

"Ashley I don't know how I feel. I don't even know what's going on in my head but all I can tell you is that I can't get you out of my head. I tried to push these thoughts out of my head but I can't. Don't get me wrong I really like the feeling of having you near me but my family would not like this at all." Why did she have to bring her family into this conversation?

Hearing her say these things to me didn't make me any happier.

"Don't do anything that you feel uncomfortable doing Spencer. I never asked you to like me. I never asked you to talk to me. I never asked you to be my friend." I don't know why I'm getting mad but it was starting to boil inside me.

"Ashley it's not like that." She got up to her knees and started to come towards me. I was going to get off the floor but she pulled my arm down and I just sat there with her right in front of me.

"I know that I'm all confused right now but I'm not going to hurt you. That's not even what I'm trying to attempt. I don't know how to process all of these feelings inside of me so it's going to take some time."

"You can do whatever you want Spencer. I'm not going to stop you." I meant it to. I knew this wasn't easy for her and I know damn well that it's not easy on me. Dani is all I've loved. How am I supposed to deal with these feelings when I had promised Dani that I would never love anyone but her.

Dani and I both promised each other that we were each other's forever love. Now she's gone and I'm here falling for someone else. It could be lust. I could just miss the closeness of someone. Maybe that's what this is all about.

Spencer came closer to me on her hands and knees looking from my eyes to my lips.

Shit! Was Spencer reading my mind?

My heart was beating a mile a minute. What the hell am I supposed to do?

"Are you sure I can do whatever I want Ashley?" I was at her mercy now.

"Mhmm." I let slip from my mouth as I felt her inch her way closer to me.

Please give me what I want.

Please give me what I need.


	7. Chapter 7

**Moments Lost**

 _Right as she was about to kiss me her cell phone rung in both of our ears. Of course I figured that it was a sign not to go as fast as we were going. Spencer backed away from me with a disappointed look on her face and I was kind of scared of the kiss. I don't know exactly how I would have dealt with it._

So that of course happen about a week ago. That night I had found out a lot about Spencer. She actually opened up to me which made it so much easier to open us to her.

 _"When I lived in Ohio there was this girl named Leslie. We were really good friends. Hung out every day. Of course over there you have to be proper and prim for everyone in your town. My mom made sure I wore my dress every Sunday to church. I was the one person that followed my parent's rules and didn't disagree with whatever was told of me. Personally I really hated it. Then one day Leslie and I were hanging out on the open field on her property. Leslie's family had a lot of land that we would just hang out on." Spencer paused as we both sat there and I was looking at her face expression. I could tell that she didn't really want to go on._

 _"You know you don't have to go on if you don't want to Spence." Spencer looked up at me and gave me a half a smile. At least it was something._

 _"It's ok. So we were hanging out and as we were sitting there on the grass Leslie came out and told me something that kind of scared. Actually it scared me a lot. She told me that she liked me. I sat there not really knowing what to say because I've never known anyone that was gay. I was raised in a home where you couldn't think about anything like that not even talk to anyone. So when she told me that it scared me. I left her there by herself and didn't talk to her."_

 _Spencer paused to look at my face expression and I didn't know what to think or say for that matter. That was wrong of Spencer to do that to her best friend but the fact that she had the courage to tell me about it showed me that she wanted me to know everything about her. I wasn't sure what was going on with the both of us. Do I need to be worried that Spencer was going to pull away from me like she did with her best friend?_

 _I sat there waiting for her to go on with her story._

 _"I never told my parents what happened between Leslie and me. They would ask me all the time where she was but I said we grew apart. From then on I hung out with my other friends. I hated myself and then when we moved away there was this big part of me wished that I didn't give a damn about what other people thought about me. Now when I look back on everything I knew that I had feelings for Leslie but because of my family I had to keep everything to myself. I hurt Leslie and I wish I got the chance to tell her what she truly meant to me." I knew she was being honest with me. I basically sat there and listened to everything that she wanted to tell me._

" _I don't want to rush things Ashley but I also don't want to ignore the way I feel about you either." To hear her say that while coming closer to me had made this all so real._

 _There was one thing I knew was that I had to take this slow. I still love Dani and I don't ever want to replace her but I also know that I need to try and move on with my life in some way. Maybe Spencer is that way for me._

 _Maybe._

So finding out about Spencer had made me scared that she would bail on me once things got more serious. I know that we should have talked about it a little more but I didn't want to push things with her. So instead we have been hanging out with each other all week.

Movies, mall, we went to an art gallery for me. We've just done a lot and she's just proving to me that thing's might actually be ok for us.

xxxx

"Are we going to do anything today?" Spencer was sitting in my room on my bed and I was looking through my closet to see what I could wear.

"Is there anything that you want to do?" I asked her as I peeked my head out of the closet to see if she had an idea.

"I don't really have a place but I guess we can hang out with Kyla and Aiden today." Apparently they got a lot of people to go out to the beach and have a bonfire. Kyla asked Spencer this morning if we wanted to go and Spencer didn't know if we had plans or not today so she didn't give Kyla a answer.

"Sure, if that's what you want to do." I told her as I was looking for something to wear to the beach. Hanging out with all of Kyla's friends wasn't a big thing for me but I knew that they were Spencer's friends too. If I'm going to be living here now I had to get along with everyone in her life.

Well almost everyone. Nick was someone I didn't have to care about at all.

A second later I felt someone behind me and when I turned around Spencer was inches away from my face. She grabbed a hold of my hand and laced our fingers together. I love when she does that.

"If you don't want to go to the beach we can do something else." She had the cutest smile on her face, but I knew that she wanted to go to the beach. I did not want to let her down.

"It's fine Spencer. The beach sounds good." Spencer leaned in and kissed me on the cheek.

Did I mention that our friendship has grown? Spencer now gives me kisses on the cheek. Of course I'm fine with that because I don't know if I can handle anything serious right now. Kyla knows that we are hanging out a lot more but she hasn't said anything about it. I'm shocked she hasn't mentioned anything so far.

xxxx

When we showed up at the bonfire there were tons of people from King High that I didn't know. Then again I didn't know anybody except Kyla, Aiden, Madison, and Spencer. Everybody else I never really gave much interest in. So I grabbed a spot on one of the logs that was placed all around the fire and sat there with my sweater snugged around my body. The night air had had that crisp feel in the air and I was glad I grabbed my sweater before we left. I watched Spencer talk with a lot of her friends around the fire but then realized that I was sitting there alone. No one to talk to or to complain to about how bad I wanted to leave.

Can you tell this is not my scene?

"Hey do you want anything to drink?" Aiden knocked me out of my thoughts and I saw him standing over me with his goofy smile on his face. Kyla's face was radiating with how much she loved him.

"A beer please." Aiden went to go get us some drinks and Kyla sat right next to me.

"Are you having fun?" She asked with the big smile on her face and when I turned to look at her the smile faded.

"I'll take that as a no. Why did you come if this isn't your thing, Ash?" I looked over towards Spencer and smiled at how she looked with the light from the fire bouncing off her tanned body. She was so beautiful.

"You really like her don't you?" Kyla was reading my mind.

"I don't know what I'm doing Ky. I still haven't gotten over Dani and Spencer isn't even out. How am I supposed to deal?"

"You have to let Spencer take her own steps and if you guys are supposed to be then things will work themselves out. As for missing Dani, I don't think that will ever stop. She was your first love Ash and she will forever have a piece of your heart but now you have to learn to move on with life. Maybe Spencer is your Dani or maybe not. You will never know if you give up." When Kyla said she might not be the one a piece of me crumbled. We may not be a couple but I was excited to see what is to come.

Time went by and Spencer was hanging out with everyone but me. Jealousy hit the fan for me when Nick showed up at the bonfire. This whole time I tried to forget the whole thing with Nick but seeing him here brought it all back. I stood there across the bonfire looking at the both of them and he had his arm around her waist. Spencer of course did nothing but let him all over her. That made my blood boil!

I decided to grab another beer and drink my sorrow down.

Why couldn't she show that affection towards me?

Why did she have to pretend around her friends when it came to me?

I felt like I was her experiment.

As I sat there trying to ignore everything but I couldn't handle it. Spencer is a free woman and I had no place to say anything about this. So why am I getting so mad? We aren't a couple and I knew that I shouldn't have expected so much from her. I glanced at my watch and it was 10:37 P.M. I wanted to go home.

I went to go look for Kyla but I didn't see her or Aiden anywhere. Madison was drinking up a storm so I knew I wouldn't be able to ask her and as for Spencer she was busy with her man candy. I grabbed another beer and decided to go for a walk down the beach. I might as well do something until I find Ky or Aiden. Just seeing Spencer all over Nick had made me so angry. I wanted Spencer to be all over me instead of him.

"Ashley!" I heard a voice from behind me and when I turned around it was Spencer running towards me. Part of me was happy to see her but the other part of me didn't want to see her.

Emotions suck ass!

"Where did you go? I was looking for you all over." She was trying to catch her breath as I continued to walk down the beach feeling the cold water flow over my feet. I needed something to cool me down after me being so upset.

"What's wrong?" She kept on going on and on. I thought she would have got the hint that I didn't want to talk to her from my silent treatment.

"Ash." She grabbed a hold of my arm to stop me from walking any further.

"What Spencer!" I snapped and I knew that I shouldn't have.

"What's wrong with you?" I saw the hurt in her eyes and she finally knew how I felt because that is the same look I am giving her right now.

"How's Nick?" I asked her as she released my arm. Now she knew what was wrong.

"It's not what you think. He's just a-" I cut her off quick.

"A friend? So do you sleep with all your friends?" Her mouth dropped. She backed away from me and I know I would have done the same thing if I was her..

"Spencer I'm sorry. Spencer!" I got in front of her and didn't let her leave. I was not going to have her mad at me.

"Stop please." I placed my hands on her face as the tears started to pour down her cheeks.

"We were a couple before you got here Ashley. Then once you came into town things changed for me. I started to notice that you needed someone like I did. So I told Nick that I thought we should take a break. As soon as I realized that I was starting to have feelings for you I couldn't hand the thought of being gay. That's when Nick would come back into the picture." She was falling for me? Out of everything Spencer had just told me I could only process that she was falling for me.

Damn these emotions again!

Spencer kept talking about Nick but I couldn't hear her say that she slept with him just to try to prove that she wasn't gay so I kissed her. That's right I'm the one who made the move. I placed my lips upon hers and I loved every second of it.

Her lips sent chills down my spine.

I moved back from her and had her face in the palm of my hands. I looked deep into her eyes and I was seeing if what I did was something that she wanted.

"Is this ok?" I said it out loud because I think I needed to hear the words myself.

"I'm scared Ashley."

"So am I." I whispered softly as I came closer to her and our lips met again.

(A/N: Hello! Sorry for not posting yesterday…hopefully this chpt made up for it lol. Enjoy! )


	8. Chapter 8

**Moments Lost**

I laid in bed that night after the bonfire and I couldn't get the kiss out of my mind. To feel her in my arms had made me so happy inside. It's been a long time since I've been happy in that way. However on the other side Spencer was scared of what was happening with us.

 _"I'm scared Ashley."_

Her words had echoed through my ears and I didn't want her to be scared. If anything she was making me feel better about myself and losing Dani. Just the fact that I have to deal with my feelings and thoughts was a big thing for me. Never in my life did I think that I would fall for anyone other than Dani. Now Spencer was here showing me that I can deal with my past and try to move on with what's in front of me.

Life is so complicated sometimes that I hate it or maybe it's just me because I have problems.

My phone started ringing and it took me out of my thoughts. I rolled over and looked at my clock on my night stand.

 _1:23 A.M._

Who would be calling me this late at night? I reached over grabbing the phone off the charger and saw Spencer's name on the screen.

"Hello." I laid back on my bed.

"I couldn't sleep." It felt great to hear her voice.

"I couldn't sleep either." I rolled over to my side with the phone pressed to my cheek.

It was quiet between us for a second there and I knew that she was thinking of something.

"Is something wrong Spence?" The quiet was starting to kill me now. Maybe she was regretting everything that happened tonight at the beach.

Please say something Spencer.

"I really like you and all the time that we have been spending together has made me see that I want to maybe make something out of us. I want to be your girlfriend."

Now it was my turn to be quiet.

Now it was my turn to run away from things.

Just hearing those words come from her had made me scared shitless. I thought that we were taking things slow. I thought that Spencer wouldn't want something so soon. She wanted a relationship with me even though I wasn't sure if that was what I really wanted. Of course I didn't want to lose her but I thought I would have more time to get use to the idea of spending all my time with someone other than Dani. I was quiet for a really long time that she started to say my name on the phone and it broke me from my panic state.

"Ash. Ashley!"

"Yeah." I barely let slip out of my mouth.

"What's wrong? Don't you want to be with me?"

That's the thing. I do, but it's going to take me a little longer to wrap my head around being with someone else.

Of course I wasn't saying this to her. Instead I was keeping these thoughts in my head and I didn't know if I really wanted to go into it tonight.

"Can we talk tomorrow Spence?" I knew that I was freaking her out by the way I wasn't saying anything about the subject.

"No. I want to know what's wrong. If you don't want to be with me then just say so and don't ignore me."

"It's not that Spencer." I seriously do not want to have this conversation right now. It's the middle of the night and I'm afraid we will say something we will both regret.

"Whatever Ashley." With that she hung up the phone and I felt like the biggest loser ever. I hated when she was mad at me but I also knew I wasn't ready to tell her what I was truly thinking in my head. Trust me I was falling hard for her but I was scared of it too.

To be honest with you it took me some time before I committed myself to Dani. She didn't let me think to long because she told me that she wouldn't wait forever for me but I knew she meant every word. Maybe that's what I needed to do. I needed to forget everything that is holding me back and try to work through everything. I need to be there for Spencer and I know in return she was going to be there for me.

I debated if I should call Spencer back but I didn't decided I would wait for her tomorrow when she comes over. I know I was going to get an ear full too.

xxxx

That next morning I was downstairs at 10 A.M. watching cartoons when the front doorbell rang. Kyla was in the kitchen so I just let her get the door. I already knew who it was. Is it sad that I'm kind of scared?

A few minutes later Spencer came walking into the living room. Kyla walked in with her and I was really hoping that she was not going to stay with us. Spencer sat on the couch and Kyla smiled at the both of us.

Get lost Kyla.

"Can I help you with something Ky?" I asked her getting annoyed that she was smiling like an idiot at the both of us.

"So are you guys umm...together?" Wow, she had to ask that question in front of Spencer.

Right when I was about to answer her question Spencer spoke up first.

"No. She doesn't want to be with me." I looked directly at her but she still had her view fixed on Kyla. I looked over at Ky and she was looking at me with her eyes wide open. This is going to be one interesting conversation.

"Ky can we be alone please?" Ky left the room and Spencer sat all the way on the other side of the couch. She apparently did not want to be close to me.

"Spencer I never said that I didn't want to be with you. But when you came out and pretty much asked me out last night it just hit me hard. I care for you a lot but-"

Spencer's body turned towards me and to see her eyes staring right at me had made me pause at what I wanted to say.

"But-!" She was pissed with me.

"Why can't we go slow Spencer? Why do we have to be together so fast? I don't want to mess this up between us. That's the only reason why I want to take this slow. Not because I don't want to be with you because that's far from the truth."

"I'm sure Ashley. You're the one who isn't." Spencer laid her head back on the couch and I sat there not really knowing what to say to make things better. I knew that I had messed this all up but I was at least being truthful with her. I care too much for her to want to hurt her in any way.

I scooted closer to her on the couch and I grabbed her hand. All she did was yank it away from me. Instead of giving up I grabbed it again.

"Please look at me." I asked her and after a second or two she finally looked at me. She was really beautiful.

"I don't want to lose you Spence. You've been there ever since I got here and I care for you a lot. You're right. I should give us a chance and not worry about everything that's in the past. I'm sorry if I made you think that I didn't want to be with you because I want so very much to be in your life if you still want me." I was playing with her fingers as we were both sitting there on the couch. When I looked up at her she had a huge smile on her face. I'm guessing I said exactly what she wanted to hear.

"Do you want to get out of here?" She asked me with one of her eyebrows raising up at me. I thought it was the funniest thing I have ever seen.

"Where do you want to go?" I asked her playing along with the game. I got closer to her as she scooted back on the couch and I leaned against her pinning her to the couch. She had nowhere to go now.

"Maybe your room." Spencer said with her breathing speeding up and our lips inches away from each other. I loved teasing her with my kisses. I lowered my lips and finally granted what her eyes were begging for.

"Let's go upstairs." She said as she moved away from my lips and I closed my eyes while resting my forehead to hers. Sexual frustration was kicking in. I got off the couch and outstretched my hand for her to take. Once she took it I pulled her up towards me. I placed my hands on her waist and loved the fact that she felt so good next to me. This could be the lust in both of our eyes but I wanted her badly. I placed a soft but sweet kiss on her lips and then Spencer started to lead me upstairs.

 _Ding Dong_

You have got to be kidding me.

"Ash maybe you should get that." I turned around to her still holding onto my hand and I gave her a pout.

"Go get it!" She pulled me down from the stairs and she kissed me before she pushed me towards the door. I swear I am making a mental note to get the doorbell removed from this house so it will not interrupt us again. I smiled at her as I went to go and open up the door. With the smile plastered on my face it was removed when I noticed who was standing right in front of me.

"Mrs. Giovanni?" I barely felt the words escape from my mouth. What was Dani's Mom doing here? Just with that Spencer came up behind me and with a cute gesture towards me she places a kiss on my cheek before letting me gesture not to do what she was doing.

"Who is it Ash?" She had a huge smile on her face but all I had was regret on my mind.

(A/N: Apologies for getting this chpt. Up a few days later but my weekend was long. Thank you to everyone who has made this story their fav or even reviewed! I appreciate it all. Gina32- unfortunately this story is already written I'm just going back over it and making adjustments but I promise a brand new fanfic will be written and I will greatly take on suggestions Enjoy!)


	9. Chapter 9

**Moments Lost**

I didn't know what to think when I saw Mrs. Giovanni at the door. My heart was in my stomach and when she saw Spencer kiss me on my cheek I felt like I was cheating on Dani all over again.

Why now?

Why here?

xxxx

"Ashley I know this must be a shock to me see me here but your mother told me where I would be able to get a hold of you. I hope that I wasn't interrupting anything." She looked at Spencer and back over to me. That wasn't obvious at all.

Spencer was already sitting on the couch a seat away from me. I think she felt uncomfortable sitting by me when she knew that Dani's mom was here in the house with us. I actually didn't mind though because I was feeling a little uncomfortable myself.

"No everything is ok. You didn't interrupt anything." I told her as I kept my view on Mrs. Giovanni but I could feel Spencer's blue eyes on me while I talked with her.

"I just wanted to come and drop something off for you. George and I have decided to move over here to the west coast down in San Diego. Your mom let me know where you were staying so I had to make sure to drop this off for you." She handed me a box and a card that came with it. I looked at the writing and it was from Dani. My chest started to tighten up and I could feel myself wanting to cry right there but I didn't let myself.

"I was packing up Dani's room and I found this under her bed. I think it was for your birthday that following week after everything happened." I closed my eyes tight forcing back the tears.

I remember that day. I was locked in my room after coming home from the hospital and my mom tried to get me to come out for my birthday but there was nothing for me to celebrate.

Dani and I had plans to go to New York for my birthday and spend the night in the hotel. Obviously that weekend before had ruined any plans that we had in the future for the both of us. Turning 18 is a moment where you should be happy and have fun. I had lost the main reason why I woke up every morning and when she was taken away from me I wanted to be dead just like her.

"Thank you." I finally got the words to come out of my mouth as I sat there in the living room with Spencer on the side of me. I wanted her to hold me but with Mrs. Giovanni there I was not going to let that happen.

"Well I better get going. George is waiting in the car for me." We all stood to our feet and Mrs. Giovanni walked over to me and wrapped me into a hug. So many memories of Dani came flooding through my brain making me overwhelmed as she squeezed me tight.

"It was really good to see you smiling when I saw you at the front door. I hope that whatever or whoever has you smiling continues to do so. You deserve to be happy Ashley and I know Dani would want the same thing." Mrs. Giovanni's last comment made my eyes start to water as I walked her to the front door.

"Please come and visit us whenever you're down in San Diego, ok? We would love to see you." I tried to put on a smile as she walked down the walk way and got into the car. I was not expecting for her to show up, let alone drop something off that was apparently from Dani.

As soon as I shut the door I felt fresh tears bombarding my eyes and I rested my body against the door as I felt like I wanted to collapse right there and then.

"Ash." Spencer's voice came to my ears and things hurt just a little bit more. Soon after hearing her voice I felt her touch behind me. Her arms came to the top of my shoulders and I turned around to see Spencer standing there. She lifted her hand up to my face and wiped away the tears that were falling.

"Are you ok?" I wanted to yell out that I was not ok but Spencer did not deserve that.

I moved away from the door and walked into the living room right in front of the box.

Should I even open it?

I didn't know what to do with it. Knowing it's from Dani made things so much more difficult to deal sat there with me while holding onto one of my hands. She was rubbing circles on my back trying to calm me down but it wasn't working at all. I didn't know if there was anything that would calm me down at this point but I was really glad that she was trying.

"Are you going to open it?" Spencer asked me as I continued to look at it.

"I'm just going to go and lay down. I'm not really feeling up to doing anything today." I didn't look over to Spencer but I knew how she took my response. The back rubbing stopped and she let go of my hand. I closed my eyes and tried to block out everything but it wasn't happening. So I grabbed the box, card, and headed towards the stairs.

"No goodbye?" I could hear the hurt coming from her voice and I hated myself a hundred times more. I stopped and turned around towards her catching her quivering lips as she was on the verge of crying.

"Bye Spence." I turned back around and went up to my room. All I heard from there was the front door slamming shut. I was numb. I was literally beside myself and felt like the world did not want me to be happy in some way. Every time Spencer and I would get to a good place something or someone would come into the picture and we get thrown off track again. Spencer didn't deserve to be treated that way and I knew what was happening was getting to her.

I set the stuff on my dresser and then laid down on the bed looking at it as I drifted off to sleep.

xxxx

 _Ring_

 _Ring_

 _Ring_

Stupid ass phone. I reached over to my side and grabbed the phone.

"Hello." I said while sitting up off of the bed.

"What's going on Ash?" Kyla must have talked with Spencer. This should be great.

"What are you talking about Ky? Nothing's going on."

"Spencer said that Dani's mom came to the house today and you went all weird on her. Why are you doing that to her? She doesn't deserve that."

"I know she doesn't Ky. I'm not stupid, I have a heart too. Dani's mom took me off guard and I didn't know how to handle it all. I haven't seen her since the funeral and when I saw her this morning everything came crashing back. I never meant to hurt Spencer."

"Well Spencer is really torn up that you can't confide in her."

That wasn't true. I knew that I could talk to her I just didn't know how to go about it. Dani was my life and when I made that mistake to drive drunk I took it from her and now I have to deal with the pain and guilt of it all.

"She knows that she can Ky. I just needed time to think about things." It was quiet between us and I sat there thinking of Dani and of Spencer.

Why was I so confused?

Why couldn't I get out from under the rock that was holding me down?

"I have to go Ky. I need to do something." I hung up the phone with her and then walked over to my dresser to grab the box. I slid down the wall by my closet and set the package in front of me. I could ignore the package altogether but that wasn't going to do anything because it would eat at me the whole time I had it.

I grabbed the box and opened it up first before I opened up the card. I knew if I had opened up the card first I would ball my eyes out. Nonetheless, all of this was going to make me cry.

I took off the ribbon and opened the box. My breath was taken away as I held the box in my hand with a ring hanging from a chain in it. The tears ran down my cheeks making me lose sight of the beautiful thing in front of me. How could she buy me something like this?

Why?

I grabbed a hold of the card as I wiped the tears away from my eyes and read the card.

 _My Love,_

 _Happy Birthday! I've been planning on getting you this present for some time now. Actually I've known that I've wanted to get you this certain gift. You make me so happy that I wanted to bring a smile to your face. I love you baby and I never want to love another for as long as I live. I hope you feel the same way too! Happy Birthday Ashley!_

 _Love Always and Forever,_

 _Danielle Giovanni_

I dropped the card from my hands and curled into a ball on the floor. She bought me a ring and here I was falling for someone else. I promised I would love her forever and I couldn't even stand by my words. Dani trusted me with her life and instead I repay her by taking it from her.

I didn't noticed anything around me. I didn't notice my door being opened. I didn't notice when someone was calling my name as I laid there on the floor. I didn't notice when she held me in her arms as I cried my eyes out. I didn't notice that I was now someone else's love and not Dani's.

I didn't notice.

xxxx

 _"I'm always going to be here for you Ash. You're it for me and you know it." I smiled at her comment as we sat there in eachother's arms out on her grass in the backyard. We were laying on a blanket looking up at the stars as we laid in one another's arms._

 _"I love you Dani. Don't you ever forget that either." Dani leaned on top of me pressing her lips to mine as I loved her so much. She sent my heart racing a mile a minute._

 _"I love you too." We smiled at each other as she leaned back down to place her lips on mine._

"I love you." I whispered.

"I love you." I spoke the words again.

"I love you too Ash." Those weren't Dani's words. Those were someone else's words. I woke from my sleep and looked to find Spencer staring back at me. She just told me that she loved me. Did I hear her right? Did she really tell me that?

She must have thought that I was telling her in my sleep that I loved her and then she confessed that she loved me as well.

We were both laying on my bed looking at one another as I tried to comprehend what just happened.

Spencer lifted her hand to my face and pushed aside a curl behind my ear.

"You are so beautiful. I could watch you sleep for hours and not once get bored with what I see. I want you to know that I'm here for you and I won't go anywhere. I love you." There's the words again. I closed my eyes shut as I felt her place her lips on mine.

"I love you too." I whispered softly as we parted. I couldn't believe I was saying it out loud to someone who wasn't Dani.

(A/N: Gina32-don't worry the storyline is the same lol. Just working on editing. Glad you're still interested. Thank you to everyone reading. Enjoy!) 


	10. Chapter 10

**Moments Lost**

That following Monday morning Kyla and I drove to school. I was still a little lost with everything that had happened on Saturday night with Spencer and me. She actually told me that she loved me and it confused me so much more. I care for her a lot but as for the love part that's not there. Of course all I did was make it even more complicated for me as I repeated the words in my sleep.

 _"I love you."_

I'm really starting to hate those words.

Here I am walking around school with a girlfriend who thought I loved her. What kind of bullshit is that? I couldn't tell her that I didn't mean to say that to her. I couldn't deal with hurting someone who I cared for all over again.

Maybe I can learn to love her. What the hell is my problem?

xxxx

"Hey baby." Spencer ran up to me as she wrapped her arms around my neck and gave me a kiss on the cheek.

Oh did I mention she's been way more open about the both of us in public ever since the words were spoken to each other.

Well she has.

She hasn't come out to her parents yet but I understood it completely. I knew it was going to be a very big thing for her and I was going to be by her side when the time comes. Her brothers Glen and Clay know about her but I haven't heard them say anything about it. As long as I didn't hear anything about them hating her than I took that as a good sign.

"Hi." I said to her as I hugged her back. I loved feeling her arms around me.

Spencer is great to me and the fact that I feel like I'm lying to her in some way kills me inside.

I stood there breathing her in and loving that smell that makes my nose go crazy. I could grow to love her.

"I missed you last night." Her smile made me smile and I grabbed a hold of her hand lacing our fingers together as we walked into the school.

"I missed you to." I told her as she squeezed my hand.

"Please tell me that we are doing something today?" It was Monday and I had told Dr. Carlin that I would come in on Monday afternoons for now on.

"Umm actually can it be a little bit later because I'm heading into Dr. Carlin's office today." Spencer looked at me trying to see if I was keeping something from her.

"Is everything ok?" She stopped us as we were by my locker.

"Yeah everything's ok. I just want to keep my appointments with him. I like to talk with him about everything." Her face dropped and I knew that I said something that upset her.

"You can't talk to me?" Spencer asked with hurt in her voice.

"Spencer you know it's not like that. Of course I can talk to you, but its way easier to talk to a stranger that doesn't know anything about my life." I pulled her towards me and I kissed the top of her forehead.

"Please don't think that I can't talk to you Spence because that's far from the truth. I'll see you after?" I kissed her nose and then her mouth. I could of so easily went deeper with our kiss but I pulled back and grabbed my things from my locker.

"Do you want me to pick you up and then we can go and grab something to eat after?" I shook my head yes and then gave her a smile confirming that that would be great.

School started shortly after that and for once I was actually glad for the interruption. Without even thinking I started to walk towards my class and Spencer grabbed my arm and pulled me back towards her.

"Where you going to leave me without giving me a kiss?" She was really cute. Her voice lighten up my heart and I leaned into her giving her a kiss on the lips. Spencer sent me overboard with her kisses. Why was it so hard not to be in love with this girl?

She's perfect. She wants me. She loves me. She wants to take care of me.

But yet here I am not even into the kiss like she is.

I really hate myself right now.

xxxx

"How was your week Ashley?" Dr. Carlin asked me as I was getting comfortable on the couch in front of him.

"The week from hell but that shouldn't be a shocker right." Hmm, where do I begin?

"How so?"

"Ok let me start from the beginning. Remember me telling you about my sister's best friend?"

"Yes."

"Well we were actually getting closer with each other. I can tell that she's falling for me. It scares me in a way because I still have Dani on my mind. So Saturday rolls around and we were having a conversation about being a couple. I like her a lot but I'm still so unsure about so much right now. I'm not trying to get rid of her I'm just trying to take things slow right now. Everything was actually going pretty good with us until Mrs. Giovanni showed up at the front door." The memory came back to me.

"Now who is this?" I could tell that Dr. Carlin wanted to know by the way he positioned himself in his chair.

"Dani's mom."

"Oh I see." Dr. Carlin went back to writing in his notepad.

"Now you know why I had a crazy week. Here I was starting to actually feel normal I guess you can say and then Dani pops up into my face. I swear I think I'm going to go crazy. I'm literally trying my best to cope with everything from my past and it's just getting thrown back at me. I don't know what to do anymore." I had my hands on my face and I wanted to be normal again.

"Why do you think everything keeps on happening the way that they are?"

"Because she's angry with me. I promised her that I would love her forever and no one else. It's almost like she sabotaging everything." Yep I'm going crazy.

"Do you love her?" I looked up at him confused.

"Who?" I asked not sure of who he was talking about.

"Your girlfriend now."

That's where I paused because yeah I've told her that I've loved her but it wasn't intended for her. My mind is running a marathon right now and I know I'm going to crash and burn.

"I don't know." That was the truth. I didn't really know how I felt about Spence.

"I think that Dani would want you to be happy with your life Ashley. You're letting the death of your girlfriend take over your feelings that you should be displaying for your girlfriend now. What I think that you should do is go to your room and get rid of everything that you have from Dani and put it in a box. It will help you to move on and figure out your life in front of you. Yes Dani died but you didn't. You need to live your life Ashley and holding onto the past won't let you move on."

Wow, he was good.

"What's your girlfriend's name?" This whole time I had forgotten to mention Spencer's name. Yeah I'm stupid.

"Oh sorry Doc. Her names Spencer." I actually said it with a big smile and he looked at me as if I said something wrong. Why was he looking at me like that?

"Spencer?" He repeated.

"Yeah you know she's actually one of your patients." I told him as I was getting up to grab my bag from the floor.

"Ashley she isn't my patient! She's my daughter!" I felt like I was just slapped in the face. Dr. Carlin. Spencer Carlin. How stupid can I be? That's why she was here when I came that first day. Why didn't she mention that to me?

I stood there not sure what to say to him. Spencer wasn't out to her parents and now I just outed her to her dad. My therapist. This is perfect.

"I think your sessions done Ashley." He had a straight face on him and I was once again feeling like shit. Damn things just keep getting better and better for me.

I grabbed my things and started walking out of the door when I noticed Spencer sitting in the chair reading a magazine. Why couldn't she sit outside and wait for me?

"Spencer." I heard Dr. Carlin's words behind me which sounded like he was pissed. This wasn't going to be good at all. I think I had fear written all over my face and that made Spencer tense up at his voice as well.

"Yeah." She stood to her feet and walked over to the room while I moved out of the way and right when she was passing me I whispered, 'I'm sorry', to her.

The door was slammed shut and I went downstairs. I was not going to sit in that waiting area and hear them argue about me or her sexual preference.

xxxx

I was sitting on a bench outside the office and was thinking about everything Dr. Carlin had told me about Dani and then I was thinking about what was going to happen now that her father knew about us. Everything wasn't supposed to happen like this. Damn it!

Why didn't she just tell me that was her father?

Ugh!

It wasn't her fault. It was mine. I should have noticed the last name. I should have put two and two together but no I was too caught up in my life to even give a damn about the people around me.

As soon as Spencer got out of the building I stood up so fast to see her with her face down to the ground. She wouldn't look at me.

"Spence." I tried to get her to look at me but she didn't budge.

"We better go Ash. I'll drop you off at your house. I'm not really hungry anymore."

"Spencer look at me." She stood there by the car not moving.

"Spencer, please look at me!" Spencer turned around and I saw nothing but blood shot eyes. She'd been crying for a while and it was because of me.

I took her into my arms and held her tight. At first she resisted me but after a second she embraced me as well. She cried more and more into my shoulder as we stood there outside the building of her father's office.

"I'm so sorry Spencer. I didn't know that was your father. I promise you with everything that I did not know! I should have paid more attention to the things around me. I should have stopped worrying about my shit to be there for you. I'm so sorry Spence. Please tell me you're ok." I pulled back and wiped the tears from her face and for the first time I saw something there that I never saw before. I saw her.

I saw the girl that helped me when I was fighting myself about Dani. I saw the girl who took care of me when I was drunk off my ass and wanted to continue to drink so I wouldn't have to feel anything. I saw the girl who loves me no matter how many flaws I have.

She is so beautiful in so many ways and I don't understand why I didn't see this before. Her eyes beamed right back at me with so much want and so much need that it was killing me inside.

"I love you Ash." She finally spoke to me as we stood there in silence just looking at one another. My grin turned into a smile and hers did the same.

"I love you more." I whispered into her mouth as I lightly placed my lips upon hers giving into all of my feelings and actually meaning every word I said to her. When I finally broke the kiss I opened up the car door for her and she got in. If she wanted to talk then I would be there for her, but until that time comes I will sit back and be there for her. I was dying to know what her father said to her though.

xxxx

Spencer and I laid on the couch watching a movie. She still hasn't brought up everything that happened today with her father which is starting to make me think that it's worse than I'm guessing in my mind. Spencer had her head on my chest and I had my arm wrapped around her back holding her tight. It felt so good to have her so close to me.

"Spence."

"Hmm." Right when I was about to ask her what happened today her phone started to ring.

"Hold on." Spencer got up and dug through her purse for the phone.

"Hello." I could hear someone yelling in the back ground and it sounded female. It must be her mom.

"Mom stop yelling! I hear you ok." Yep it was her mom.

"Yes I'll be home in a few minutes. Ok, bye." Spencer was on the verge of crying.

"You have to go?" Spencer was still looking at her phone and she shook her head yes.

"Are you going to be ok?" I grabbed a hold of her hand wanting to make sure before she left here.

She glanced towards me and tried to give me a smile. Nice try but I wasn't buying it.

"I'll try to call you later."

Try?

"Umm, ok." I walked Spencer to the door and we stood there. I placed my hands on her waist and she wrapped her arms around my neck.

"I really am sorry about everything Spencer. Your dad. How I've been treating you. Everything! You mean a lot to me and I want you to know that I love you." Spencer's cheeks grew pink and I saw a blush. It was by far the cutest thing that I have seen on her beautiful face. She placed her hands on my cheeks and I inched my way closer to her.

"I love you too Ash. Don't let anyone make you think otherwise ok." She placed a kiss on each side of my cheeks and then last but definitely not least she placed a sweet kiss on my lips. I didn't want to stop the kiss because I didn't want to let her go. Instead of me stopping it she pulled away and said she had to get going. I walked with her outside to her car and she got in. Her smile faded as she got into the car and I hated to see that.

xxxx

That night I didn't hear from Spencer like she said she would _try_ to. I tried to call her cell but all I got was her voicemail.

I was starting to get a bad feeling.

(A/N: A lot more stuff going on in this one and the secret is out about Spencer lol. Let me know what you guys think of it. Goodnight.)


	11. Chapter 11

**Moments Lost**

School came but Spencer never showed.

I waited out in front for her but she never pulled up in her VW. Now I was worried.

What if her parent's didn't want her to be at school with me?

They couldn't keep her away from me.

Could they?

xxxx

"Have you guys heard from Spencer today?" We were sitting at the bench eating lunch. Well everyone else ate, I couldn't eat one thing. This whole thing was making my stomach nauseated.

I looked from Kyla, to Aiden, to Madison and they all shook their heads saying no. I hated that I haven't heard anything from her.

"Did you guys have a fight Ash?" Madison asked me. I still roamed my eyes all over the campus hoping that I would see her somewhere.

"No, but something did happen on Friday." I put my head down and continued to play with the ring on my finger. I wanted the ring to calm me down.

"What did you do?" I looked up at Ky and I hated that she would think that I was the reason for something happening with us.

"Why do you think that it's always my fault?"

"Because it usually is." I glared at her but I knew that she was right. Everything is always my fault and I knew it.

"I didn't know that my therapist is Spencer's dad." Everyone had their eyes on me trying to focus on what I was saying.

"Of course I talk about everything with him and then I came out and told him who my girlfriend is. At first he looked at me all weird. I told him he knew her because she was a patient too. Dr. Carlin looked at me with a mad face and told me that Spencer was his daughter. My heart dropped from my chest all the way to the floor."

"You outed your own girlfriend to her dad!" Aiden spoke up. Gees, could he be any louder.

"I didn't mean to. I didn't even know they were related let alone her damn dad. Dr. Carlin talked to Spencer alone and afterwards she kept quiet about everything. I didn't know what to say other than I'm truly sorry. She had come back to the house with me and ended up getting a phone call from her mom. I haven't seen her since. Her phone is turned off and I haven't had a chance to talk to Glen or Clay. I seriously have no idea what to do. I miss her you guys."

"There's Glen now." Aiden pointed behind me and I turned around really quick. He was walking towards the lockers.

"Be right back." I ran over to the lockers looking for him and I saw him talking to one of the cheerleaders. Like he always does.

"Glen can I talk to you please?" Glen turned around and the cheerleader gave me a dirty look. She better take her attitude somewhere else because I was not in the mood for it.

"ALONE!" I shouted as I looked at the girl. She got the point and walked away.

"Damn Ashley. I was just about to get her number." He's so predictable.

"Sorry but this is more important. What's going on with Spencer? Why isn't she at school?"

Glen looked from the ground to the locker and I knew he was keeping something from me.

"Please Glen tell me what's going on."

"My parents don't want her to see you anymore. They are talking about taking her out of the school."

My heart sunk when he said that.

"Is she home?" I asked him.

"Ashley don't even think about it. If my parents find out they will have a cow." I didn't care about that because I needed to see her.

"Glen I have to see her. I have to talk to her."

Glen looked at me as if he shouldn't tell me this but he gave in.

"You have an hour before Dad comes home on lunch break. You better make it fast." I got a big grin on my face and kissed him on the cheek before running to get Kyla to take me over there.

"Thank you." I screamed over my shoulders as I made my way back to where everyone was.

"Ky, can you give me a ride?" I asked her as I was grabbing my stuff.

"What? Where to?"

"Spencer's. I need to talk to her. Please Ky!" It took her a second but she agreed.

xxxx

"What did Glen say?" We were sitting in the car heading over to Spencer's and I kept on thinking about her leaving the house yesterday with a frown as she left. Damn I miss her so much.

"Her parents don't want her around me." I said it with a pain in my heart.

"I'm sorry Ash." Ky was trying to be there for me and I really appreciated it.

"Yeah."

Not more than 5 minutes later we were outside her house.

"Do you want me to wait?" I shook my head no because I knew that I would need a walk home after this.

"I'll just see you back home later." I told her as I got out of the car. I stood there while Kyla drove away and I took a deep breath and walked up to the door.

 _Ding Dong_

She opened the door and I wanted so much to run into her arms but I didn't know what to expect from her. Her eyes went wide when she saw me standing there. I'm guessing she wasn't expecting to see me at the door.

"Ashley what are you doing here?" Wow, I wasn't expecting that type of greeting.

"I had to see you. I haven't heard from you all weekend and you don't return my phone calls. Did you expect me to forget you or something?" I was starting to feel very unwanted.

"You shouldn't be here. My dad is supposed to be here-" I cut her off.

"In an hour." She paused and she knew that I had talked to Glen or Clay.

"Glen told me that I would have some time to talk before he comes home for lunch." She looked to the floor and not once did I see a smile on her face. I wanted that smile back.

"Can we talk? Please." She looked at me for a second and shook her head yes. She opened the door for me and I walked right in. I followed her to the living room and took the seat next to her wishing that I could hold her in my arms.

"What's going on Spencer? Why won't you look at me?" She has yet to look me in the eye and it was bugging me. It was quiet for a long while until she finally spoke.

"Why did you lie to me?" What was she talking about?

"What? When did I lie to you?"

"When you told me that you loved me." My mouth was opened and my eyes dropped to my hands. I started to play with Dani's ring.

"Spence." I started to say something but Spencer was already to her feet.

"I know you don't love me. My dad told me everything you talked about me." That stuff was supposed to be private. Those were my thoughts and feelings. How could he tell her that stuff?

"Why are you quiet for Ashley?" I didn't know what to say. I was just slapped in the face and I was trying to control my thoughts.

"That night you stayed with me I was dreaming that I was telling Dani that I loved her. I must have been talking in my sleep because you thought that I was telling you that I loved you. So when I heard you say that you loved me too I froze and had no idea you had strong feeling for me like that."

"Of course Ashley! I mean what I say, unlike you."

"I'm sorry that I made you think I was talking to you when I said those words. I didn't want to hurt you by not saying them."

"If you didn't mean it then why did you keep on saying the words to me? Why did you have to keep on making me think that you really loved me?" I stood to my feet to be closer to her but all she could do was back away from me.

"Spencer you mean a lot to me. When I was telling your father that stuff I didn't know how to feel. With you not talking to me this weekend made my feelings grow stronger for you. I don't want to be without you Spencer." The silence grew longer with the both of us.

"Please believe me. I didn't mean to hurt you." Spencer looked up to me and I could feel the tears that wanted to escape from my eyes. I screwed this all up and I hated myself for it.

"You better get going. My dad is going to be here soon." She hated me.

"I don't care about your dad Spencer. I care about you."

"My parents don't want me to see you anymore." She finally told me what I was afraid of.

"What do you want?"

Silence.

"Spence?"

Silence.

"I don't know what I want Ash." I wrapped my arms around myself not sure of what to say next.

"You say that you love me. You say that you will be there for me. You tell me that I can count on you. Why do I feel like I don't have my best friend anymore?"

"I'm your best friend?" She looked at me as if she was unsure of believing anything that I had to say.

"Yes, and I love you."

"STOP IT! You don't love me!" She was pacing now and I went towards her taking her face into my hands.

"I. Love. You." A tear rolled down my face and all of this was making me so emotional. Spencer tried to get out of my grip but I didn't let her move away from me.

"Tell me you don't love me Spencer. Tell me that you don't think about me at night when you sleep. If you don't then I'll leave you alone." I looked directly in her eyes and then down to her mouth. I could see her eyes doing the same thing as we stood there not even inches away from each other's faces.

So without even a word from her I make my way towards her mouth barely even touching her lips when she whispered out for me to hear.

"I love you Ashley." I closed my eyes and I closed the gap. Her lips were so soft that it made me shiver all down my spine. I leaned her up against the wall as I placed my hands on her hips trying to figure out my boundaries with her. I played with the bottom of her shirt with my hand feeling her soft skin against my hand. As soon as I placed my hand on her stomach I felt her shiver to my touch. I smiled into the kiss as she pulled me even closer to her body if that was even possible.

After what seemed like seven minutes in heaven I moved back to gain some oxygen into my brain. I swear this girl did so many wonderful things to me.

"I better go before your dad comes home." Spencer tugged onto my shirt not wanting me to leave.

"Don't leave. Not yet." She placed tiny kisses along my neck and I was standing there wrapped into her arms loving every second.

"I don't either but I don't want your dad to find me here." Spencer frowned and it made me smile from ear to ear. She was so beautiful.

"When am I going to see you again?" We both stood there and I didn't know what to tell her. Her parents didn't want me near her and I didn't want to be without her.

Can you see the problem?

"I don't know. Keep your phone on and I'll get back to you." I kissed her one last time before I made my way out of the house.

I was about to walk out of the door when she pulled me back to her and kissed me hard.

"Mmmm." I moaned into her mouth as our tongues wrestled for dominance.

"I bet you don't want to leave now." Spencer gave me a devilish smile and I knew that I had to go because she was going to be the death of me.

"Not even but I know I have to. I'll call you later." I kissed her cheeks and started my walk home.

"I love you." I heard her words behind me and I turned around and I signed 'I love you' to her. Spencer's smile stayed with me for the rest of the day.

I knew that I had messed up with lying to her about those three little words but I didn't want to do it again. She means the world to me and to be without her would kill me. She has gotten me to smile when I thought I wouldn't be able to smile again. She made me believe that I had something to live for. She loves me for me.

How was I going to figure out a way to be with her?

(A/N: Gina32-Ohhhh you went back in the day and brought Toni Braxton! Love it! Its ok I don't mind being serenaded LMAO…What does everyone think of the chpt? I thinking of new stories after this one. I currently have 7 more chapters to this story before it finishes. Feel free to drop those ideas. No idea is a bad idea. Enjoy! )


	12. Chapter 12

**Moments Lost**

Sleep never came for me that night. Instead I laid there on my bed thinking of Spencer. It was obvious her parent's didn't like me but now I had to figure out how Spencer and I were going to be together.

xxxx

 _"Ash, what are we going to do?"_

 _Spencer called me that night like she had promised she would. I was so happy to hear her voice when I answered the phone._

 _"It's obvious that your father doesn't like me but what's the reason for your mom? Why does she hate me?"_

 _"Ash she doesn't want her daughter to be gay. She hates the fact that I said that I was in love with a girl and thinks I can be fixed. Tomorrow she has the priest coming to talk to me."_

 _Wow, didn't see that one coming. Her mom must be really religious._

 _I kept quiet thinking of us and I was so frustrated with it al. I love their daughter. I want to be there for her. Why would they think that was a bad thing?_

 _"I think they are afraid of me getting hurt with you. My dad told my mom about Dani." I closed my eyes shut and tried to block it all out. I didn't need it and neither did Spencer._

 _"I can't take back what happened with Dani Spencer but I can tell you right now that I am not the same person I was when I first got here. I have you to thank for that. Spencer you opened up my heart for living and I don't know where I would be if I didn't have you in my life."_

 _"I'm not giving up on you Ashley. You're stuck with me." I smiled at her comment and I loved the feeling she gave me._

 _"And I wouldn't have it any other way." I smiled into the phone._

 _"So, when can I see you again?" Spencer asked me as I was looking at the single picture that I had of us. I hated that we didn't have a bunch of pictures. That's definitely on my list of things to do._

 _Take more pictures._

 _"Are your parents going to be home tomorrow morning or afternoon?" I would skip school just to be with her._

 _"My mom has the day off tomorrow because of the meeting with the priest.. Maybe I can tell them that I'm going to meet Madison at the movies. I think they would believe that."_

 _Ugh I hated this sneaking around shit. Maybe I should just talk to her dad._

 _"I think I'm going to talk to your dad Spence."_

 _"What? Why? He's already told me that he doesn't want to see you."_

 _"I can't keep on letting him think that I don't care about you or even love you. He thinks that he knows me through the sessions but he doesn't know the real me. He doesn't know how much I care about you Spence. I have to at least try."_

 _This hurt so much for being judged for something that you did in your past when you're not that person anymore. Besides it's not like I wanted to kill my girlfriend._

 _"Babe." I was lost in my thoughts._

 _"Hmm."_

 _"Are you ok?"_

 _"Yeah. Sorry just thinking."_

 _I closed my eyes wanting for all of this to go away but I knew that was never going to happen._

 _"Go to sleep and hopefully I'll be able to see you tomorrow." I truly hope so._

 _"Ok. Goodnight Spence."_

 _"Goodnight Ashley."_

2:49 A.M.

That conversation happened over three hours ago and I'm still laying here racking my brains

Please just let sleep come.

xxxx

"Dr. Carlin?" I actually got the nerve to go up to his office to speak with him.

He turned around to look at me and if looks could kill then Spencer would be single right now.

"Ashley you are no longer my patient. I can get Stacy to give you a number for another therapist."

"So he can spread my issues around like you did. No thank you. I just came to talk about Spencer."

"Ashley I don't want you anywhere near my daughter. There we've talked now you can leave." He was being so stubborn that it was pissing me off.

"I could care less what you think about me but all I know is that I love your daughter and she loves me. Neither you or your wife are going to change that."

I turned around and started walking out the door and he yelled out, 'stay away from her Ashley'. I know I shouldn't have done this but I was so mad that my middle finger went flying in the air and I was out the door.

I'm a nice person when I want to be but when you piss me off and mess with my life that's when the gloves come off. I love Spencer and I was going to be there for her no matter what.

xxxx

"She won't let me out of the house Ash." I swear this was nothing but bullshit now. Why the hell couldn't she have parents like Dani? They loved me and would do anything for me. But here we have Hitler and his wife who hated my guts.

I sat there on the couch bringing my legs up to my chest.

"Run away with me!" I let the words fall out of my mouth without thinking of what could happen to us.

"What!" I guess I caught her off guard too.

"Let's go Spence. Your parents are never going to let us be together. I can tell them until I'm blue in the face that I love you but they will never accept me. This is the only way we can be together.

The more I thought about it the more I loved the idea. We would be able to be together and not have to worry about people telling us what to do.

Spencer sat on the phone for a couple of seconds thinking about it and it was killing me that she had to think about it this long. She was the one who thought things through in the relationship. I'm that type of person who will get up and leave everything behind with no worries.

"When do you want to leave?"

YES!

I was so glad to hear her say that. I was grinning like a fool and I loved it.

"The sooner the better. The sky is the limit and we can go anywhere you want. My trust fund kicked in from Grandma Davies when I turned 18, so cash is no issue."

"I have money too Ashley." Spencer's laugh on the phone was the cutest thing ever.

"Sounds good! We got enough to get the hell out of here. Do you think you can drive? I'm not really allowed to drive." My voice got lower with the mention of driving at all and I knew Spencer understood what I was trying to say.

"That sounds good to me. I'll start packing up my things and tonight when my parents go to sleep I'll pick you up. Sound good?" It sounded perfect!

I sat there thinking of it all and it did sound great. I just needed to make sure that this is really what Spencer wants to do.

"Are you sure you want to do this Spence? I don't want to make you feel like you have to run away. I know your family is important to you and I would never want to take you away from them." That was the honest truth.

"Ashley I want to do this. Your right my parent's won't budge an inch and we both know it. I don't want to be without you."

Her last words clarified everything for me.

"I love you too Spence. I'll see you tonight."

"Ok. Tonight it is."

We were actually going to do this.

xxxx

Spencer and I are going to run away together. This was crazy!

Nah, not really. I think not being with Spencer would be crazy. I don't ever want that to happen, so if it meant that we had to run away then I will jump on the opportunity with no hesitation.

8:24 P.M.

I've been sitting in this room looking around making sure I had everything. I've pretty much packed most of the clothes and the main things that I would need. Now all I was doing is making sure that I wasn't leaving something behind that I would need.

With every passing minute I grew impatient with not being with Spencer. We are going to be together and there was not going to be anyone who could stop us.

This is going to be an experience to remember.

xxxx

It was coming close to the time that Spencer said she would pick me up so I made my way downstairs to see if Kyla was home. As soon as I stepped into the living room I saw them both there. She was laying there with Aiden holding her tight as they watched a movie. They looked so cute together.

"Hey Ash. Is everything ok?" Kyla asked me when she saw me walk into the living room.

"Yeah everything's going to be ok." Kyla looked at me weird and right before I walked away from the love birds I heard the words.

"I love you Ash." I stopped and turned around to her.

"I love you too Ky." I walked over to my bags that I set in the kitchen so Kyla wouldn't see them. I made my way out on the front porch and sat there waiting for my love to come and sweep me off my feet.

xxxx

12:47 A.M.

I looked at the time and I waited impatiently for Spencer.

I waited and waited when I spotted her VW drive around the corner and park in front of the house. When Spencer got out of the car she came running up to me and I hugged her so tight. I felt her heart beating a mile a minute with so much excitement. We were actually going to do this.

"God I missed you so much Ash. I was dying without being able to touch you or kiss you." With that last comment I released her from my arms and I placed my hands on her face as I kissed her passionately. The feel of her lips on mine sent shivers down my spine making me lose control of my senses.

"We better go. We need to make some miles away from this place." Spencer smiled at me and she helped me grab my bags and shoved them into the trunk. We both slid into the seats and I looked back at the house and there stood Kyla at the window. My heart stopped and here I was leaving me sister behind but I knew she understood. Kyla was not a stupid women, she knew when I wanted to do something that I would do it. I brought my hand up to the window and made a hand gesture telling her that I loved her with my fingers. Kyla brought her hand up to her bedroom window and did the same.

We drove away from the house as I felt Spencer slide her hand into mine making me know that everything was going to be ok.

"Everything's going to be ok Ash." She was too good to me.

"I know." I said as I smiled back at her. The night sky beamed for us and I felt like it was directing us to a better place.

I hope Spencer was ready for this because I know I was.

(A/N: Gina32: SWV-Weak! Love it! I literally stopped everything and started listening to the song when I got your review last night lol. 'This is one of those love songs that you hear in the middle of the night makes me want to be with you wherever you are tonight.'

Two can play this game ;) Love the ideas…we will see which ones comes to the surface!


	13. Chapter 13

**Moments Lost**

We've been on the road for the last three hours and I wanted to stop because Spencer was looking really tired. I at least wanted to get some distance away from LA before anything.

"Are you doing ok?" I asked her as I looked over at her.

"Yeah I'm ok. How are you doing?" I grabbed a hold of her hand and laced our fingers together.

"I'm doing great. You know we can probably stop here soon because I can tell your getting tired."

Right then she yawned and I caught her red handed. She couldn't deny it now. She smiled big at me and then brought her eyes back to the road.

"I'll be good for a while. Don't worry I'm ok." I turned up the music so we had something to listen to while we were on the road. I didn't want anything to happen on the road.

xxxx

We passed Victorville and I really wanted Spencer to pull over because I wanted her to be. I did my best to convince her to pull over but she was not having it.

"The next city we come to I will pull over. Is that ok?" I shook my head at her but agreed to it.

"Alright."

It felt like it was forever until we made it to the next place that had a hotel off the highway.

Barstow, California. This should be interesting.

"Look there's a hotel." I pointed to the Holiday Inn off the Interstate. I was so ready to sleep. I could feel my body wanting to fall asleep as we were driving but I was not going to let Spencer drive alone.

As we pulled up into the parking lot we both got out of the car and stretched our bodies out. I looked over at Spencer and there she was looking as beautiful as could be. Without so much as a gesture I walked over to her side and I wrapped my arms around her body bringing her close to me.

"I'm so glad that we are finally together Spence."

Spencer placed small kisses on my neck and I was loving every one of them.

"Me too." She whispered out as she continued to kiss my neck.

"We better get a room Spencer because I don't think people want to wake up to see us out here making out." Spencer started laughing into my skin and she backed away from me.

"Yeah I guess your right even though I don't care what people think about us. I love you and that is all that matters to me. But your right we better get a room." I smiled at her with a crinkle in my nose as she gave me her adorable look my way.

I grabbed a couple of our bags and then we headed up to the front of the hotel. I was so glad that the hotel looked good walking in because I always get worried about hotels when I go out of town.

"How may I help you ladies this morning?" The front guy asked us as we set our bags down at the desk.

"We need to get a room for the night please." I told him as I was grabbing my wallet out of my bag.

"Ok. Will that be one bed or two?"

"One bed please." Spencer shot out first before I could say the anything. I started to laugh and the guy eyed us back and forth as he continued to get us our room.

"Ok that will be 79.99 for the night. How will you be paying for that?" I pulled out a hundred dollar bill and handed it to him. I made sure to grab cash before we left.

"Here are your keys and you will be in room 127. Please enjoy your stay."

"Thank you." Spencer and I both told him as we grabbed our bags and made our way to our room.

xxxx

I was laying on the bed almost about to pass out when Spencer comes jumping on it. I really thought she was tired but I guess I was wrong.

"Spencer what are you doing?" Spencer continued to jump like she a little kid having the time of her life. If you saw how she looked you would think that she was the cutest thing you have ever seen. I couldn't take my eyes off of her as she smiled at me. I grabbed her leg and she came crashing down on the bed next to me. I leaned my hand on my head as I rested my other hand on her stomach.

Spencer laid there catching her breathe as moved her hair to the side so I could see her face better. We laid there looking at one another not saying a word. It was as if we could read each other's minds.

"Ash." I was kicked out of my staring mode.

"Hmm."

"Are you ever going to kiss me?" I smiled at her and laughed under my breath. I leaned down and granted her wish. I closed my eyes and took her lips into mine as I kissed her softly. I didn't rush anything. I didn't want to ruin something that was supposed to be special.

"Ash." She spoke in between kisses as I just continued to kiss down her neck.

"Hmm." I said as I worked on her pulse point. She let out a moan and I knew I hit a nerve. I smiled against her skin as I loved the touch of her hands that were roaming up and down my body.

"Ash." I stopped. I laid my head in the crook of her neck taking a breather. Gees, it must be important to interrupt this moment we were having.

I rolled over to my side and she went to her side to look directly at me.

"I'm sorry." She said to me as I gave her a small smile.

"It's ok. What's on your mind?" I grabbed her hand and laced our fingers.

"When was your first time?" Wow. I started moving a little on the bed and then figured I should just sit up.

"It's fine if you don't want to tell me. I didn't mean to spoil the mood." It was way too late for that.

I sat there looking down at my hand looking at Dani's ring. I know that I should have put it away but there was something that told me that I couldn't get rid of it just yet. I know that I'm moving on with my life but I don't want to forget her. The ring keeps me close to her. I know I should be focusing everything on Spencer right now. She's the one I love. The one that I don't want to be without.

"I was a Sophmore the first time I was ever with someone. His name was Josh. Dani never liked him but there was something about him that I was connected to. We started dating and not shortly after that I gave it up to him at a party. It wasn't exactly what I had hoped for. Josh pretty much used me that night and I was devastated. Dani was mad at me that I had even slept with him. She warned me about him but I didn't listen to a word she had to say. I thought Josh was special, but I was wrong and Dani made sure I knew that."

I looked over at Spencer as she had her knees up to her chest listening to ever word that I was telling her. I went on with the story. For some reason I think she wanted to know about Dani.

"It was the end of my Sophmore year when I came out to my parents. Dani was there for me through the whole thing. The very first time she kissed me was in her backyard as we were playing with her dogs. We had just spent the day together and I was going to leave when she grabbed my hand and told me not to go. The touch of her skin made me have goosebumps up and down my arm. She came to me and kissed me as I stood there shocked that she had just took my breath away. We were best friends but I didn't think that she had liked me like that. All this time she had feelings for me but she wanted to make sure that I was ok with everything before she even attempted anything with me. It wasn't long after that she asked me out and that made me so happy. On our six month anniversary I was surprised with a room filled with candles and roses all over my bed. I don't need to go into details about that night but she showed me what making love felt like." Spencer had tears in her eyes and I thought I would be the one in tears.

I grabbed a hold of her hand.

"I'm sorry Spencer I shouldn't have told you the story."

"No Ashley. I'm glad that you did. Dani was a big part of your life and I want to know everything about you. I want to know everything that Dani did and more. When I first saw you that day you came home from the airport I saw so much hurt on your face that it broke my heart to see you like that. Yeah I know that I didn't know you but there was still something that had me drawn to you. Something that made me want to know everything about you. I would take away all your hurt and pain if I could Ashley." I couldn't believe all the words that were coming out of her mouth. She was incredible.

"Spencer you've done so much for me already. You stuck by me when I wanted to forget the world and hide myself away from everyone. You made me smile again." I took her face into my hands as we sat there in front of each other.

"To be honest with you I probably would be dead if it wasn't for you. I was in a bad state that I wanted to end all of the pain that I was feeling at the moment. I wanted to be with Dani and nobody else matter to me. Until you happened. So you did save me Spencer. You did." I whipped away the tears that were coming down her face.

Spencer took my hands into hers and then she leaned over towards me and kissed me. I laid myself back down on the bed and she was now the one in charge. Let's just say that I was not complaining about that.

xxxx

Spencer and I could of easily made love that night but we didn't. Instead we slept in each other arms and that was everything to me. I know that we will have our moment and it will be a wonderful moment for the both of us. I love that girl so much that I would wait for her until we were both comfortable.

We ran away to be together and even though we were happy I still felt bad for taking her away from her home. From her parents and family. I didn't say anything to Spencer because I didn't want to ruin this time that we have together. Who knows if her parents will ever accept me?

xxxx

2:36 P.M.

Spencer was curled up next to my body as she had her leg over my own body. I've been up for the past hour enjoying waking up next to her. I didn't want to wake her up but I knew that we should get on the road soon.

"Spence." I whispered in her ear trying to get her to wake up.

"Spencer." I spoke again. This time I nudged her.

"Ughhh! I don't want to wake up." Spencer moved from her position and then rolled over to the other side of the bed.

"We have to get going Spence."

"No." She was being difficult.

"No?" Did she just 'No' to me? So I decided to pull a Spencer and I got up on the bed and started to jump up and down.

"ASHLEY!" Hahaha. I knew that would get her up.

"Yes my dear." I told her when I stopped jumping like the big kid that I was.

"Nothing." Spencer jumped up off the bed and ran to the bathroom shutting it right behind her.

"Hey! I was going to get into the shower first." Spencer pops her head out of the door to look at me.

"I can't help it if you're so slow." She smiled at me and I shook my head back and forth as I made it over to the dresser to turn on my phone and see if there were any messages from Kyla.

3 Missed Voicemails.

Hmm, aren't I the popular one today.

 _"Ashley you have some trouble back here. Spencer's parents are looking all over for her and they said that they are going to go to the police. They apparently know that you have something to do with it. I don't know Ashley this isn't looking so great. I'm not saying anything if you're worried about that. I just told them I haven't seen you. Be safe ok. I love you both. Bye."_

Aww man this was not turning out as I hoped for. Spencer better hurry up so we can both get ready to get out of her.

 _"Ashley this is your mother. Where are you young lady? I just got a phone call from a Dr. Carlin saying that you know where his daughter is and if you don't bring her back home that he will get the cops after you. What have you got yourself into this time? You better get your ass home as soon as possible. Do you understand me?"_

Yep not good at all.

 _"Ashley this is Dr. Carlin. I know you're with Spencer. I will not get the police involved with this if you bring her back home now. If not than I have no other choice but to get the police involved. You have 24 hours. I better hear from you."_

This is where I start pacing back and forth.

"Spencer hurry up!" I banged on the bathroom door as I went to go sit on the bed and wait for her.

Five minutes passed and she finally came out of the bathroom.

"Ash, I wasn't even in there that long. What's your problem?"

I stood to my feet and gave her my cell phone to listen to the messages. With each message she heard her eyes got wider and I got freaked out.

"I need to take a shower." I grabbed my things and made my way into the shower.

You know if this was another place and another time I so would of took advantage of the fact that Spencer was just standing in the room with nothing but a towel on.

The shower was great and when I got out I was a little more calmed than when I got in there. Now we had to leave and get as far as we could from California.

I stepped out of the room and Spencer was already packed sitting on the bed looking at me. I was about to say something when she speaks first.

"We need to go back."

Hearing those words from her killed me.

(A/N: Keith Sweat & Kut Klose…you're killing me lol and I like it hahaha. This chpt could have had so much good parts in it but when I was writing it I'm sure I was going through some things that it wasn't a big deal to me. Hmm that's life for you. U ready to let the games begin cause I'm ready. On your marks get set…Lets Go.)


	14. Chapter 14

**Moments Lost**

"We need to go back."

Hearing those words from her killed me.

I paused and thought maybe I heard her wrong.

"What?"

"I don't want you to get into trouble Ashley. If we go back now my father said that he wouldn't involve the cops."

Yep I heard her right. I was mad.

"Yes he will! He won't let me be with you. If we go back Spencer we will not be together and you know that."

Spencer was silent and she looked over at me.

"Is that what you want? For us not to be together?"

"Nooo. Ashley don't even think that." Spencer was standing in front of me holding my face in her hands.

"I don't want anything to happen to you. That's all." I knew what she meant but it still hurt to hear it from her.

"I don't care if I get into trouble. As long as I get to be with you then I'm fine." She wrapped her arms around my neck and rested her head on my shoulders. Even though we weren't home her parents were still causing us problems and it sucked.

"We should get going." I told her as she unwrapped her arms from around my neck. I put the rest of my things in my bag and then carried our things down the stairs. Spencer followed right behind me with the rest of the bags as we made our way to the front desk to drop off our keys.

As soon as we were in the car we both sat there silent and I knew that Spencer was thinking about going back home.

"You know you can do whatever you want to do Spencer." I looked out the window away from her. I wasn't going to force her to be with me.

"Hey." I didn't look at her.

"Look at me please." I gave in and turned my head towards her.

"I want to be with you. Ok." I shook my head ok and then Spencer started up the car and we were back on the road.

xxxx

We got back onto Interstate 15 and started towards Vegas. Whether or not we were going to stop that was still up in the air. I didn't want to stop that close to California when I knew that we only had a little time until Spencer's family was going to have the cops after us. I'm sure that they were going to be looking for Spencer's car when they report us gone. What they were going to say was beyond me. For all I know Dr. Carlin would spread nothing but lies about me and probably come out and say that I kidnapped his daughter. I would not put it passed him.

xxxx

7:35 P.M.

We stopped in Vegas but only for some gas and food. I was starving and I haven't eaten since yesterday.

Everything was so bright and shiny everywhere we looked. Spencer didn't want to stay here but I wanted to stay for a short time.

"Come on Spence. Let's stay for an hour and just walk around. We don't have to do anything."

"Ashley we can't do anything here anyways. We aren't old enough."

"That hasn't stopped me before." I gave her a smirk but she wasn't having it.

She stood there out of the gas station against the car with her arms crossed her chest. I walked over to her side and I stood in front of her.

"We're supposed to have fun on this trip Spencer. I want to try all these things, but I don't want to do them without you right there beside me." Spencer's frown turned into a small smile and I knew that I would get to her.

I placed my hands on her hips and I leaned myself against her.

"So are we going to explore?" She had yet to give me her answer.

"Yeah we can explore." I smiled and then kissed her. She's so cute.

Spencer and I parked the car at a store on the strip and then we made our way searching for something fun to do. I really didn't care about what we did as long as we had fun doing it.

I grabbed my Digital out from my back pocket and when Spencer wasn't looking I snapped some pictures of her. I had always loved taken random shots. It made it more interesting when you went back to look at them all. Remembering the moment and the time we were together.

Spencer looked at everything around us with wide eyes and I knew that we had made a good choice to stay. She looked happy and that made me ten times as happy to see her beautiful smile.

"What are you smiling at?" I was standing there as we were walking up to the Effile Tower. Even though it wasn't the real one didn't make it any less beautiful.

"Nothing. You make me smile, that's all." I know it was cheesy but this girl does some amazing things to me. Spencer comes up to me, grabs the camera and starts taking pictures of me.

"Smile Ashley." Spencer started snapping pictures of me.

"Come on Spencer. I'm not much of a photo person."

"You took pictures of me so I'm going to take some pictures of you."

I gave her my cheesy smile and she kept on taking the pictures. I swear I was going to delete those pictures when I get a chance.

"Let's take a few together." Spencer walked over to me and we brought our face together and I reached in front of us and snapped the camera. The next photo I took was of me kissing Spencer's cheek as she smiled big at the camera. Man I can look at these pictures for hours and not get bored.

For the next hour we took pictures everywhere we went and I loved all the time that we were there. Spencer made getting into trouble

"I love you. You know that right?" I told her as we were standing outside of Cesar's Palace watching the water show. Everything looked so beautiful around us, including Spencer.

Her gaze went from the lights to mine and she gave me a smile.

"I know Ashley. I love you too." This girl had my heart.

xxxx

12:37 A.M.

We grabbed some food at a fast food place and then headed back to the car. I wanted to lay my head on something. As soon as we got to the car I got in and set my food down and laid back in my seat.

"Are you tired?" Spencer asked me as we sat in the car after that long walk down the strip.

"Uh huh." I said with my eyes closed but I could feel her eyes on me.

"Do you want to find a hotel?" The thought had crossed my mind when we were walking but I didn't really feel like getting a hotel room here.

I opened up my eyes and looked at her.

"I don't know. Did you want to get a room here?"

Spencer was looking around at all the places.

"We don't have to if you don't want to."

"I kind of just want to keep going you know." Spencer looked directly at me and knew what I was talking about.

"Yeah I understand. I'm not really tired right now anyways so we can just drive. Go to sleep." I sat up from the seat and I opened my eyes fully.

"No, it's ok. I'm up."

"Ash you're tired. Just get some sleep. I will be fine." I was not going to let her drive alone.

"I'm good."

"Why are you so stubborn?" I smiled at her and she shook her head.

"You know you love me for all my flaws." I tried to set her mood better.

"I'm starting to rethink that." My mouth dropped and she looked towards me.

"Don't act like you're hurt, Ashley Davies." I started laughing so hard at the fact that she just used my whole name.

"Yeah I know. I can never be mad at you."

"Yep that's what I thought." I shoved Spencer against the car door and she looked at me and shoved me back.

"Oh you want some of this." Spencer was acting all big and bad towards me.

"Oh no baby I want it all." I told her as I was leaning against her on the door. She had nowhere to go. I cupped her chin with my hand and kissed her hard and long. The hunger was there but it wasn't for food. I worked my way down her neck enjoying the sounds that were coming from Spencer's mouth. All these emotions and feelings that were running through my body were wanting to be let out but this was not the time nor the place. I slowly moved away from her and went over to the passenger side.

"I'm sorry." I told her as I sat in my seat and grabbed my food from the floor of the car..

"Don't be, because I'm not." We both shared a smile and Spencer made her way out of town.

Goodbye bright lights, hello darkness.

(A/N:Ohhh Toni Toni Toni :) Can never go wrong with her! Sorry I've had a long weekend and I'm barely getting a chance to get this chapter up. It's not a long one that's for sure. I think the next one is a lil longer(I think) lol. And I've dreamed of you ever since, now I've built up my confidence, girl next, next time you come my way I'll know just what to say.)


	15. Chapter 15

**Moments Lost**

3:45 A.M.

Have you ever driven through a state that was plane desert?

I don't recommend it because we were literally bored out of our minds. So many times I caught myself falling asleep but I would quickly wake up and look over at Spencer driving. I had to make sure that everything was ok.

"Is something wrong?" She asked me as she looked at me with confusion in her eyes.

"No. I'm just-"

"Falling asleep." She laughed under her breathe.

"Kind of."

"Then go to sleep. You don't have to watch me Ashley. I'm a big girl."

I know she's a big girl, but I wanted to take care of her and I knew that staying awake with her would make me feel better. I continued to sit there listening to the only random channel that actually works over here in the desert and Spencer was the only thing that was keeping me entertained.

"I've been thinking..."

"Uh Oh." Spencer started laughing at her own joke and I thought it was the funniest thing alive.

"Anyways smart one. I was thinking that maybe we should fly somewhere."

"Where exactly are we going anyways Ashley? I agree to the road trip but I had no idea where this trip was leading to.. Are we heading somewhere that you want to go?"

It was silent for a second because I had been thinking about it for a while now. I just hope that Spencer doesn't mind visiting the place.

"I want to go home." I told her as I looked directly at her. Spencer caught my eye and I knew that she was wondering what I meant by going home. Obviously I didn't think LA was home to me but more like Boston was.

"You want to go to Boston?" She said a little hesitant about the subject.

"It's been on my mind but I didn't know exactly if you would want to go there."

It was Spencer's turn to be quiet now. I knew that I had put this big thing in front of her and she was thinking about it all.

"Are you sure that you should go back after everything that happened? Not saying that I mind going over there because I would love to see your home town. But with everything that happened with Dani. I don't want you to lose what progress of healing you have made in LA." She was so right.

I knew exactly what she meant. I was a mess when I left Boston and it took me forever to get to the place that I am now. I have this feeling inside of me that I need to go back and finish things.

Spencer speeded up as she drove and I still haven't answered her. I know that there is a part of Spencer that wants me to stop talking about Dani. Every time I think of something or do something it brings me back to Dani and I know that I shouldn't feel bad about it but I do. Spencer doesn't need me to repeat my past to her or keep on going over how my life was before everything happened.

"I'm sorry." I blurted out. Spencer glanced at me and then back at the road.

"Why are you sorry Ashley?"

"For not leaving the past in the past. You've put up with so much from me that it's not fair. I don't want you to think that I can't move on because I can. I think that if I go back there then I will be able to say goodbye and leave it behind me. I want to spend my life with you Spencer and the only way I can do that is if I say goodbye."

Spencer still hasn't said anything but she did pull over on the side of the road and parked the car there with the hazard lights on.

"You ok?" I asked her as I was confused on what she was doing. Spencer turned to look at me and I could see the gloss in her eyes and I had started it.

"You want to spend your life with me?" She finally let out with so much love in her voice and I smiled at her. A single tear started to make its way down her cheek that made me reach over and whip it away with my thumb as I placed my hand on her face.

"I'm sure this is all too soon for you but I have that feeling in the bottom of my stomach that tells me that I don't want to be without you. You make me so happy and when I woke up next to you this morning I knew right there and then that I want to wake up to you every morning for the rest of my life."

I was babbling on and on trying to calm myself down because I thought that I had said something wrong. I didn't want Spencer to separate herself from me. Instead Spencer did the one thing that she could do to shut me up and I was thankful for it. She kissed me. She leaned over the seat and she kissed me. Of course I didn't deny that one bit. In fact I invited it. I grabbed a hold of her sides and I pulled her closer to me as she straddled me.

Spencer's hands were around my neck as I had my hands placed on her waist loving the feel of her so close to me made me want her even more.

You know that whole thing about waiting until we were in a perfect place and time. Well this is the time and right now this is as good as place as any. I swear I have wanted Spencer since the first time I laid eyes on her but I just didn't know it then. Now it's all clear to me and I couldn't want anything more then to make love to her.

"Mhmmm." I heard moaning coming from Spencer as I was working on her neck. Not long after that our shirts were off and I was enjoying this so much. Every touch. Every kiss. Every bite. It was literally taking me over the edge as Spencer kissed me with so much passion.

"I want you Ashley." Spencer whispered in my ear as she nibbled on my bottom ear lobe. Talk about turning someone on. I let out a soft moan.

"I want...you too...Spence." I swear my breathing was out of control with my heart racing a mile a minute. She did some crazy things to me.

I could feel Spencer hand making its way down my stomach when I hear a tapping. I didn't stop what I was doing because let's just face it you wouldn't stop at this moment either.

 _Tap Tap Tap_

Shit there it goes again.

"Damn it." I finally opened up my eyes and Spencer was getting off of me putting her shirt on and I looked towards the driver's side and I see a cop right outside.

You have got to be kidding me.

Ughh! I was definitely frustrated because of that and there was a cop outside our door.

What the hell did he want?

Did Spencer's dad already make the report?

I was starting to freak out that was for sure. I grabbed my shirt and put in on really quickly.

Spencer made sure I was good before she put the window down. Good thing for tinted windows.

"Yes officer." Spencer spoke out as she put the window down.

"Excuse me Miss may I see your license and registration please." He shined the light in the car and noticed me in the passenger seat. He took a second look at me and then in the car as if he was trying to see what we were doing in here.

What the hell was the cop doing on this road at night anyways?

"Thank you." He gave Spencer's stuff back.

"Exactly why are you ladies out here on this road so early in the morning?"

I looked at the car clock and it was 4:30.

Man right when I saw that my body got really tired and all I wanted to do at that moment was go to sleep.

"We are just making our way to Phoneix sir."

The cop took a little more time to look at us and I could feel myself wanting to flee right there because of the way he was looking at me. What was up with this cop?

"Alright. You guys drive safe and if you can help it try not to pull over to the side on the highway ok. You don't know what's out here."

That's for sure.

"Thank you officer." The cop walked away and Spencer's window went up.

Phew!

Talk about a close call there. I thought I was a goner. I thought I was going to be shipped to the big house. I thought I was going to be sleeping with the fishes.

Ok I killed it.

Sorry.

"I think we should find somewhere to sleep and then get back on the road to Phoneix."

"Are we really going to Phoneix?" Spencer asked me while I was checking the map to find our way there.

"Well that's the closes place that I know of where an airport is." Spencer looked at the road and I knew that she was still worried about heading over to Boston and to be honest so was I. All I know is that I have to do this and whether or not she wants to go is entirely up to her.

Without so much as another word about the subject Spencer drove. I told her the highway that she needed to get on so we could make our way to Arizona.

xxxx

We got some sleep when we got into more into Arizona. I made Spencer stop at a hotel so we could get some sleep. She looked like she was dragging and I hated seeing her trying to stay awake. So we slept and did we sleep forever. It felt really good to because I had an awesome dream with Spencer and me. We were making out and one thing lead to another and right when I was about to cum to my climax the damn alarm woke me up. Let's just say that I was PISSED off!

Needless to say that I took a long shower when I woke up.

xxxx

"You were making some interesting noises in your sleep this morning. I was going to wake you up but then your noises turned into moaning."

We were in the room getting dressed to leave and get to the airport. Which was only two hours away from where we were staying at. Don't ask me where because I was so dead tired when we pulled in that I didn't pay attention to any signs or anything. We paid for the room and made it to the bed long enough to give each other a kiss and go straight to bed.

A blush came upon my cheeks and I looked away from her remembering the dream that I had with Spencer. If only we were really doing exactly what we did in the dream. That would have been wonderful.

Ok calm down Ashley, before you need another cold shower.

"Umm yeah. It was an interesting dream."

"I bet." I looked over at Spencer and she had the biggest grin on her face and it just made my cheeks turn even more reddish then what they were.

"Let's go before I show you exactly what my dream was about." I glanced at Spencer and her eyes got big. I smiled to myself and made our way out.

xxxx

Phoneix, Arizona.

Everything was so beautiful with the sun coming to a sunset. Gees this driving all night and sleeping in the day is not working for me anymore.

Spencer and I drove to the airport knowing that we would have to find a flight that was going to be leaving soon. So hopefully we would be able to get a flight. Sometimes the flights get booked and we'll end up waiting for the next flight out. Please don't let that happen.

Spencer parked the car and we walked our happy butts to Delta Airlines.

Every time I would look over at Spencer she would have her head down or chewing on the side of her lip. Something was running through her head and I hated that she wasn't talking to me about it.

So when we walked in we had a huge line to wait in. This is perfect. Everybody and their mommas is flying somewhere. I turned to Spencer and she was standing there with a blank face. I ran my hands up and down her arms trying to get her to look at me.

"What's going on Spence? Are you a nervous flyer? I promise I'll hold your hand the whole time." I smiled as I wrapped my arms around her but I was still getting nothing from her.

"Spence. What's wrong?" I looked at her and she was staring right back at me.

"Ever since you brought up the whole going back to Boston thing I couldn't get passed the idea of you always wanting to be with Dani. I truly think you should go back home by yourself. " My arms dropped from her and I didn't really know what to say to that.

"Why? What did I do?" I asked her trying to think of why she wanted to leave me at that moment.

"I just think that you need to go and deal with your past and I need to go home and deal with my parents."

This really hurt. I knew that she was right but I wanted her with me while I did all of this. I wanted her to hold my hand and tell me that everything was going to be alright. Instead I'm being pushed to the side and not feeling like she wanted to be there for me.

I didn't say anything and apparently Spencer didn't expect me to. She grabbed her bags and looked directly at me.

"I still love you Ashley and nothing's going to change that. I just think that you need to do this on your own and I need to figure out some things."

What the hell did that mean?

I still didn't say anything. I just looked at her with my sad eyes.

She leaned over and kissed me on the lips. I didn't know what it was but it almost felt like she was saying goodbye. She wouldn't do that to me, right?

Or would she?

Spencer walked out of the airport and I stood there in line with a hundred and one things running through my head right now. My heart was breaking.

I miss her already. I didn't want to do this on my own. Tears dropped and with every passing minute Spencer was away from me my heart a little more.

I was all alone again.

(A/N: Brandy! That totally made me smile…I've been listening to all the songs all day! I love our playlist! Everyone don't hate me for this chapter but to be honest I think it had to go this route. There's still a lot of things that Ashley needs to deal with back in Boston if she wants to move forward with Spencer. I know I want to tease you, I wanna please you. I want to show you baby, that I need you. And who can do it like me? (Nobody) )


	16. Chapter 16

**Moments Lost**

I sat there on the plane thinking of Spencer. She didn't want to be with me as I made this trip. She had to drive home by herself, and now she had to face her parents alone. I would have been there with her as she talked to them about everything but apparently she wanted to do that by herself.

I felt like I was trying all for nothing when we were together. This hurt a lot not having her here with me. I wanted so much to be holding her right now but instead I'm pressed up against the window looking down at the ground lost in my own little world.

xxxx

Once out of the plane I made my way to baggage and grabbed all of the bags. I knew I was going to get a ear full once I got to my house. I swear mom was going to rip me a new one! This should be interesting because I know she is going to ship my ass back to California as soon as I get everything situated.

Shit knowing her she will probably want to ship me back as soon as I step foot in that front door.

In the cab I looked at everything going through the city. There were so many memories of Dani and I. I quickly closed my eyes and laid my head back trying to get all of the negative things out of my head because I knew that I could easily slip back to the way that I was.

No more than 30 minutes later I was standing in front of my house thinking of maybe turning back because I swear this woman is going to eat me alive. I caused trouble back in LA and now here I am back home where it all started at.

I was scared.

xxxx

"Mom." I yelled as I walked through the front door setting all of my bags down at the front door.

No more than 10 seconds later she came right around that corner with the meanest look she has ever given me.

"What have you done Ashley Marie Davies?!" Shit she had to bust out the whole damn name! At least Spencer made it sound cute.

"I send you with your father so you wouldn't have to be in a dark place because of the accident BUT no you have to cause more trouble for yourself and others. I don't understand what is wrong with you. Where is the girl? We need to get her back home. NOW!" I stood there not saying a word because I knew that she would shut me up and keep on yelling at me so I just waited until she was done.

"Spencer went back home. She didn't want to come with me." I looked down and I grabbed my bags to head up to my room. I don't know what it was but after I told her that Spencer didn't come with me she stop talking because she saw the look on my face.

Trust me if you saw my expression right now you would think that someone just killed my puppy.

I made my way upstairs to my room and as soon as I jumped on that bed I was out. No need of letting a great bed go to waste while you are in the room.

xxxx

I literally slept all the way until the following morning. It was like almost 12 hours that I was out and it felt so good.

I laid there in my bed looking up at my ceiling. That was one crazy dream.

 _"Ashley where are you going?" Spencer and I were walking along the beach holding hands and I could hear yelling coming from behind me._

 _I turned around to see Dani right on my heels and looking like she was going to kill me._

 _"What are you doing with her? What happened between us Ashley? I thought you said that you would always love me."_

 _Hearing these words from her had made me quiet as I felt Spencer's thumb caress the top of my hand as we continued to hold hands._

 _"I still love you Dani. I always will! I just don't know if I can deal with this anymore."_

 _"What the hell does that mean Ashley? You said Alway's and Forever. Don't those words mean anything to you?" They meant the world to me. Hearing these words come out of Dani's mouth killed me._

 _"They do but when you were alive." As soon as I said those words Dani disappeared. She was standing in front of me telling me that I was everything to her and now I was leaving her in the dust. Dani was finally gone from my dreams. I was in love with Spencer and no one else._

Yep that was one crazy dream.

I grabbed a hold of my cell next to me on the pillow and I turned it on. It hasn't been on since we left Barstow. It's been a good few days with it not on. I wonder how many wonderful phone calls I have received.

 _12 Missed Calls_

Wow.

So I went one by one listening to all the peaceful messages that I was getting from Dr. Carlin, Paula, and Kyla. At least hers were ok. Then we had my mom yelling at me for not calling her back or not getting my ass back home so all of this could be figured out.

 _Last Missed Call_

 _"Hi Ash."_

It was Spencer.

 _"I'm sorry that I left you at the airport. It really hurt to leave you there but I knew that you had to do this on your own. I love you and I want you to face your fears head on. Even though I know that I'm not next to you holding your hand doesn't mean that I'm not there with you in your heart. I hope you don't hate me because I don't know if I can handle you not speaking to me. Please give me a call when you get this or when you want to talk to me because I want to hear your voice. I love you Ash. Bye."_

It was really good to hear her voice.

I looked at my clock on the nightstand.

8:37 A.M.

Usually I'm not up this morning but with the almost 12 hours of sleep I needed to get up. No matter what people say you can't sleep forever. It's not possible even if you are tired as hell.

I grabbed a towel from the closet and I went to go take a shower.

The water felt really good running down my body and it wasn't for my mom banging on the door I think I would have stayed in so much longer.

"What?!" I yelled as I turned off the water.

"You have a phone call."

Ugh.

Who could this be?

I was almost afraid to find out who it was.

I grabbed my towel and wrapped it around my body while making my way out of the room to grab the phone.

"Who is it?" I asked her at a whisper so the person wouldn't hear me.

"She said her name is Spencer."

She was calling me at my house. Where did she get the number from?

Her parents? Kyla?

"Hey."

"Hi Ash." Hearing her say my name sent a shiver down my back and it wasn't even cold here.

"Hi." Don't ask me why but I was still feeling like I was abandoned at the airport and it still hurt like hell.

"Are you still mad at me?" I closed my eyes trying to forget it all but it was easier said than done.

"I don't know Spence. I don't really know what to think about you leaving me there. Then you having to drive home by yourself. I wasn't happy about that either."

I heard her giggle on the other line.

"Spencer this isn't funny."

"Yes it is. You're so cute. This whole time you were worried about me driving by myself. Don't you find that funny?" When I thought about it I guess yeah it was kind of funny but I can't help it. I worry about her and her driving home alone. I'm very protective when it comes down to it. I can't help it. I've had one to many accidents that led me to believe that driving isn't everything that it's cracked up to be.

I sat there on the phone not really knowing what to say to her even though I wanted so much to know what happened with her parents when she got home.

"Are we just going to sit on the phone and not say anything?" I was kind of thinking that.

"Ashley talk to me."

I sat down on my bed with the towel snug to me.

"What do you want me to say Spence? Because right now I'm really not in the mood to chat."

"That's fine. I'll just let you go but just know that I love you." I closed my eyes and I was on the verge of crying. I didn't want to cry anymore. I was getting tired of it.

I let out a deep breathe, trying to control my breathing because I felt like crap at that moment.

"Bye." I hung up the phone before she could say anything to me and I went to go and get ready. She said she had to take care of things and I needed to do the same thing.

xxxx

I sat in the cab not wanting to budge from my seat because my heart was pounding so loud in my chest. Everything hit me when the driver hit that corner and why he took this street was beyond me. I should have directed him another way but it was too late. I sat there looking at the light pole that I hit. I remember seeing the pictures in the newspapers talking about the accident. They made me look like such a criminal. As if I wanted to lose the love of my life. Before the cab driver turned off that street I told him to stop. I needed to do this.

I slowly got out of the car and I made my way across the street thinking of the night so clearly.

 _"ASHLEY!" Dani screamed at me and my head darted back to the road and right in front of me was a man in the middle of the street. I swerved off the road and that's when I rammed into a pole. An electric pole that didn't even budge but it sure sent Dani flying through the windshield. Well that's what everyone tells me that happened._

 _I was unconscious for two days from slamming my head against my steering wheel. I had no idea what had happened to Dani. I didn't know that the accident had caused so much trauma to her head that she died that next morning in the hospital room while I was lying in a bed with nothing really wrong with me but cuts and bruises to the forehead._

Man talk about going through memory lane here. There were dead flowers still here with a cross with Dani's name on it. Her parents must have left this here before they came over to California.

I made my way back to the cab because I didn't want to be there any longer than I had already been. I needed to go to one more place.

xxxx

I had a dozen yellow roses in my hand as I made my way over to Dani's grave stone. I almost didn't think that I could make myself come here but I knew that I needed to. This was my therapy to come and visit Dani. To talk to her and get everything off my chest.

I stood in front of her headstone and decided to sit. I looked at her picture that they decided to put on there and I remembered when she had went to go take those pictures for her mom. She didn't want to go but her mom wanted her to take them for our senior year. Which of course she didn't get to experience.

Ok stop this Ashley. You didn't come here to bring yourself down about what happened.

"Hey Dani." A lump was caught in my throat and I was about to cry. I stopped myself and I took a deep breathe.

"I'm sorry it took me so long to get out here but I kind of moved to California to live with my dad. Actually I feel like I live with my sister instead because you know how dad was never around and he still isn't." I laughed out loud thinking of how we would make fun of my dad and how he was never around for me growing up. Him and his stupid job.

Then I got quiet.

A single tear fell from my face and I looked up at her picture.

"I miss you so much Dani. There's not a day that goes by that you're not on my mind or in my heart. However, there's something that I have to tell you. I met someone. Someone who loves me for me Dani. You would so love her too. Her names Spencer and she's so amazing. She makes me laugh and she takes care of me." I got silent for a second thinking of Spencer and how I missed her.

"When I lost you I thought that I was going to end my life because I didn't want to live without you. Spencer helped me in so many ways that I owe her so much. I love her Dani. I'm so in love with her that it scares me at times. I know that I told you that you were the only one that I would love but I can't help how I feel. I can't be alone anymore because it hurts me so much to think about the past. You will always have a piece of my heart but now Spencer has the other part of my heart. There will be no one like you and I'm fine with that. Just remember that I will always love you." I kissed my finger and I placed it against her picture and stood to my feet.

With every step that I took to walk away from that grave site I knew that I was walking towards someone special. I said my goodbyes to Dani and I was finally moving on with my life. Here I was letting go of the guilt that overwhelmed my life when I lost Dani. Now I was able to look at myself in the mirror without feeling ashamed.

I turned back around one last time before I got into the cab.

"I love you."

(A/N: Mr. Freddy Jackson! I have 2 more chpts left in this story and then I will go onto my new story. I haven't made up my mind what it's going to be about yet so I just wanted to give you all a heads up. Kinda having a bad day but that's life, right? Baby, you don't know what you do to me. Between me and you I feel a chemistry I wont let no one come and take your place. Cause the love you give, it can't be replaced.)


	17. Chapter 17

**Moments Lost**

I'm supposed to be heading back tomorrow to LA. Part of me is excited to get back and the other part of me is going to miss my mom here. Yes I know that she has been on my ass since I got here but I know that she means well. Ever since the beginning she's only had my best interest at hand.

Kyla told me that she would be picking me up at the airport and I was glad for that. I needed to have some quality time with her. I think I've turned her world upside down since I've been here. I never asked her how she felt about it all. I truly hope she didn't hate me for it.

Xxxx

I was sitting in the living room watching TV not really paying attention to it much when mom walks in.

Hmm I wonder what she wants.

"Can we talk Ashley?" This should be interesting.

"Yeah. What's up?" I sat with my legs crossed and I leaned up against the couch as she sat down on the other side of me.

"I know I haven't been there for you lately. With everything that you've been going through." She's basically talking about Dani.

"I just want you to know that no matter what I will always be here for you. I know sending you to your father's was not the best move but at the time it was the only thing I thought would work. I was scared Ashley. I was afraid that I was going to come home and find you dead because of the accident. Dani loved you and she did not want you to go down the route that you were going. I'm truly happy that you're doing so much better in LA. You deserve to be happy."

Mom did the best that she could do and I'm really glad she did it too. I had Kyla and with her came Spencer. Two of the best people I know.

"I know I was a handful after the accident and I wish I could take it back. Hell, I wish I could take it all back but I can't. It literally destroyed me because I'm the one who ended my best friend's life."

"Don't honey." Mom reached over to my knee and I knew she didn't want me to talk about everything.

"No it's true mom. I killed Dani and there's not a day that does by that I don't regret the decision that I made that night. It was my choice and it was my fault. I've finally come to terms with it all and I can finally talk about it without breaking down. Dani loved me and I loved her. We would have never done anything intentional to each other." I closed my eyes and looked down at where the ring use to be.

"Tell me about Spencer." My head darted up and I smiled at the mention of her name.

Mom sat there with a smile on her face and I liked the fact that mom changed the subject like she did. I loved her for that.

"What do you want to know about her?" I was excited that she wanted to know about my life in LA.

"I want to know who has my daughter in smiles. It's written all over your face that you have a thing for her." She was correct again. I was definitely in love with Spencer Carlin.

I grabbed my cell from my pocket and I pulled up a picture of us back home.

"She's really beautiful Ash." I couldn't stop smiling.

"Yeah she is. She makes me so happy mom. I don't know where I would be if I didn't have her in my life." It was the truth.

"Hold on to her Ashley because she sounds like a keeper. I know Dani would of approve of you being with her." I was really hoping she was right because I didn't want the feeling of Dani not approving of Spencer. I guess that's exactly what that dream meant the other night. Dani was gone and Spencer was here now. I hated to think it that way but it was the truth.

Mom left the living room and I sat there thinking that I was glad we had our talk. It made things a little better when I leave tomorrow.

Xxxx

That following morning mom took me to the airport. I knew that I was going to miss being in Boston. Having Dani and my mom close felt great but it was that time to get back to the living.

"Thank you for everything mom. I truly appreciate everything you did for me, even if you did ship me clear across the country." I started laughing and mom had her mouth drop to the floor.

"If I had to make the choice all over again, I would not hesitate. You belong in LA but I hope you never forget where you're from." I hugged mom tight and she kissed me on my forehead. I grabbed my bags from the trunk and I headed into the airport.

It was definitely time for me to head home.

Xxxx

Sunny. Sunny. Sunny.

Yep, I'm back in California.

Being back here also meant that I was back in the real world as well. Which meant Spencer, her parents, my dad, and school. Ugh, I know I was really behind in school that is for sure. This should all be fun playing catch up.

I made my way out of my terminal and I saw Kyla with a big smile on her face. I glanced around looking for Spencer but she was nowhere to be found. That's what I get for acting the way that I did to her.

'Ashley!" She yelled out and I laughed at her attempt for being cute. I missed her like crazy.

"Hey Ky, I missed you!" I told her as I let her go.

"I missed you too." She started asking me about Boston and I gave her all the details while we walked over to get my luggage.

As we were walking to the car I had my head down thinking of Spencer and how bummed I was that she wasn't waiting here with Kyla.

"She wanted to be here." Ky kicked me out of my thoughts.

"Why didn't she?" I looked her way waiting for the answer.

"Basically she didn't think you wanted her here so she decided to stay home. When was the last time you two talked?" We made it to the car as we started loading everything.

"It's only been two days. I don't think that's bad." I know I should have acted a different way on the phone with Spencer but I was hurt. I can't help how I felt.

"What did her parents say when she came home?" I knew that Kyla would have the scoop on it all.

"First they hugged her as if she was kidnapped and barely came home. Next after they knew that she was ok that started to go off on her about leaving like she did with you. I swear it was a complete mess. They told her that she couldn't see you anymore and she told them that if they tried to keep her away from you she would just pack up and leave again. So after many of hours of screaming back and forth they accepted you as her girlfriend." Hearing everything made me so happy that she would run all over again just to be with me. Spencer fought for us to be together.

I loved her.

"She loves you Ash. That has not changed. I think you both need to talk everything out." She was right but maybe not today. I was tired and all I wanted to do was head home and take a nap. Nonstop flights kill me.

Once we got home we grabbed my bags and walked inside. As soon as I walked into the living room dad was standing there with a smile on his face and I was so happy to see him there. I swear it felt like forever since I had seen him. I ran into his arms and without warning the tears started pouring from my eyes. I don't know what it was but I couldn't control my feelings when it came to dad.

"Of course the Carlin's let dad know everything that was going on which is why he is home like he is. I wasn't complaining because I had him back even if that meant for a short time.

"I'm so happy you're home Ashley. You had me worried." I felt bad but I had my reasons and he knows that.

"I'm glad to be home too dad." I finally let him go and was about to walk up the stairs with my bags when he stopped me.

"Don't make any plans. We're going to go out to dinner tonight and if there is anyone you would like to invite, please do so." I knew who he was directing that to and so did Kyla. I looked at her and she just smiled.

"Ok." I made my way up the stairs and opened my door. It him me that everything I had in my room had to revolve around Dani. Dr. Carlin had told me to get rid of all of Dani's things so I could move on but I hadn't gotten around to it before I left because of all the trouble.

I guess now was as good as time as any." I grabbed a box from my closet and started to take the pictures off from my closet door. With every picture came a memory and I was never going to forget it. I was concentrated on the wall of pictures that I didn't even hear someone enter the room until I heard the door close.

I turned around to see Spencer standing there looking beautiful as ever. I couldn't breathe or speak for that matter. I turned back around to my wall and continued to take the pictures down.

"Hi." She finally broke the awkwardness.

"Hey." I responded back. I could feel Spencer walking closer to me while I stood there taking everything down.

"I'm sorry I didn't come and pick you up at the airport." I shook my head letting her know that I didn't mind. I wanted to get this all done so I could get some sleep.

"Are you going to continue to ignore me?" She was irritated with me.

"No. I just want to get this done with." Spencer turned away from me and I knew that I could let her leave. We already had enough tension between us that we definitely didn't need anymore. I quickly ran to the door and closed it before she could leave.

"I'm sorry. I'm still hurt and I'm not dealing with this the right way. Please stay." I reached my hand out to Spencer and she grabbed ahold of it. I loved the touch of her skin. Spencer walked towards me and I wrapped my arms around her. I knew that we had a lot to talk about but right now all I wanted was for Spencer to stay right here. In my arms. Forever.

I went back to taking everything down with Spencer next to me.

"You don't have to take these down." I loved that she said that to me but I couldn't keep them up.

"I have to take them dawn Spence. For you, for Dani and for me." Spencer smiled and leaned over and kissed my cheek approving of what I had to do for all of us.

I loved her and I would do anything to make things right again.

(A/N: I got you! Lol. Well it took me awhile to get this chpt up because I literally had to rewrite it. Apparently I deleted this file and that meant I had to go back and write is again. I'm sure it's not 100% the same but that's ok. One more chpt and we are done! If you need me call me no matter where you are. No matter how far don't worry baby. Just call my name I'll be there in a hurry. You don't have to worry.)


	18. Chapter 18

**Moments Lost**

Spencer stayed that evening while we had dinner and I don't think that I can be anymore happier then what I am right now. I'm sitting here at the table looking at my family talking with Spencer. My father is talking to her as if he has known her all his life and it makes me so happy to see that.

Kyla and Aiden are making lovey dovey faces at each other which makes me laugh. I love seeing my sister happy and in love. I also know that feeling and I wouldn't trade it for the world. If she's happy than I'm happy.

I looked down at my plate and I feel her. I feel her warm hand underneathe the table linking her fingers with mine and I love it. I glance her way taking in all of her beauty in front of me and I'm lost. She tilts her head and looks up at me with so much love. How did I get so lucky? I don't think she could make me anymore happier than what I am right now. Correction...there is another way she could make me happy. I'm just waiting for that moment. I'm sure it will be beautiful in so many ways.

Spencer leans over towards me and then whispers something in my ear.

"What are you thinking about?" She asks me.

"You. My bed." Spencer giggles in my ear.

"Of course you would be thinking about that." I smiled and so did she.

"Hey after dinner I want to take you somewhere special."

I shook my head ok and then finished up my food. I wanted to know where she was going to take me. The whole time I waited for everyone to finish up dinner I sat there thinking of what place Spencer would want to take me.

Hmmm.

xxxx

No longer than 10 minutes later we were on the road heading somewhere. Don't know where but somewhere.

"Where are you taking me?" I asked her as I placed my hand on her thigh as she drove us.

"You'll see." She gave me her award winning smile as I sat back and enjoyed the view around me.

The ride wasn't long but when we pulled up to her house every nice thought in my head quickly vanished.

"Spencer what are we doing here?" I asked her wanting to know. I couldn't believe that she just took me to her house.

"You mean the world to me Ashley and so do my parents. I want you guys to get to know each other." She was forgetting that her father and I had a close relationship about my past.

"Your father already knows me Spencer." I told her as I felt out of place now.

"He doesn't know the Ashley that I love. He doesn't know the person that I want to spend my life with." My eyes averted up towards hers and I was shocked at what she just said to me.

She actually wanted to spend her life with me.

"Will you please make an effort in meeting them?" She asked me and I knew that I would do anything for her.

"Of course I will." She squeezed my hand and then she made her way out of the car with me following right behind her.

This wasn't scary at all.

"Mom. Dad. We're here." We walked through the house and it was a pretty cute house. Nice and comfortable. Of course the last time I was here I didn't get a chance to get a tour of her house. I was too afraid of getting caught by her dad. Now my house just felt like another house to Kyla and I. It makes no difference though because we love it.

Spencer and I went into the living room and there her parents were. Talk about wanting to turn right back around and leaving the place as fast as I could. I knew Spencer wouldn't want that though. She wants me to get to know her parents even though I get this really awful feeling in my stomach.

"Mom. Dad. This is Ashley Marie Davies. My girlfriend." I looked at the both of them and I shook each of their hands. I had to be respectful.

"It's really nice to meet the both of you." I put on a smile while Spencer and I sat down on the couch across from the both of them.

xxxx

We talked for about an hour about almost everything in my life and I even apologized for making them worry about Spencer when we went on our road trip.

They knew that I wasn't the only behind it all so they couldn't blame all of it on me. Apparently Spencer does what Spencer wants to do. Hmm I guess I must have missed that part of Spencer 101.

That's right I was too busy staring at her to even pay attention to anything else.

Ha ha ha.

Later on that night we laid on the grass in her backyard looking up at the sky. I was shocked to actually see stars but they were there. I loved laying here holding her close to me enjoying every minute.

"What do you see in your future?" Spencer asked me as I looked down at her and she raised her head off of my stomach to look at me.

"I don't know. I use to have all these plans for my life but then I found out that we aren't promised a future because we don't know when we will go." It was 100% the truth because even though we might have plans for the future does not mean that we will get to enjoy them.

"I guess your right but it doesn't hurt to have plans. It doesn't hurt to want to have a future." I think I made her think that I didn't want to have a future with her. I rolled over on her and I looked right into her eyes.

"When I think about the future…I see you." Spencer smiled at me. I leaned down and kissed her lips.

"You're all I think about Spence. When I wake up or when I go to sleep. My dreams about you make me smile for days." I started laughing and so did she.

"I love you." She told me and she placed her hands on my cheeks bringing me down to her level.

"I love you too." I whispered just before I kissed her lips.

xxxx

Spencer never gave up on me. I would push her way but she would never let me go. She means the world to me and I'm really lucky to have her in my life. She makes me smile in so many ways that it sometimes scares me but I know that it's a good thing.

I wouldn't have it any other way.

Dani was my first love and I will always have her in my heart but now my heart belongs to Spencer. Someone who showed me that you can get through anything and move on with your life. Someone who continued to love me even when I was going through a really hard time losing Dani.

Spencer saved me in so many ways.

We have shared the good times and the bad times together. That's what you do in a relationship, correct? Be by each other through thick and thin. We definitely had that down.

Either way I got through it all with help from one Spencer Carlin.

(A/N: SILK! I went over this chpt about a hundred times in my head and tonight I'M just not having it. I know that it's been written before but for some reason it's not working for me the second time around. Well I want to thank everyone for reading and reviewing! To my music soulmate friend…I can't keep in touch cuz you don't have a profile/PM lol. I guess you will have to wait until I write another story lol. I never knew such a day could come. And I never knew such a love could be inside of one. And I never knew what my life was for. But now that you're here I know for sure.)


End file.
